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Comment by drenvuk | Hacker News Reader

There's enough other advice here that I just want to focus on one area on the safe assumption you're a straight male: Tinder is pretty toxic for men. Now that things are opening up you should get out and meet people in person. For romance sure, but friends or even acquaintances as well. Tunnel vision caused by desperation doesn't help either. Relax and branch out. Fail with people and try again with others. And again, Tinder is toxic for the majority of males, use it if you like, hell get good at it but understand that your match count and profile are not you and those chat based interactions are empty and fleeting.

And don't kill yourself. At 23 the world is your god damned oyster even if it doesn't look like it. Your back probably hasn't even gotten achey yet.

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I’m going to argue that Tinder just highlights your issues. If you don’t dress well, don’t work out and aren’t confident enough to approach any woman, you’ll probably suck at real-life dating too.

Imho this is not true at all. The underlying assumption in your argument is that Tinder provides an accurate assessment of your issues, which is not true. Tinder dating success reflects a heavily skewed dating market that focuses on shallow metrics, such as how photogenic you are.

There was a study done by one of the large dating sites that showed 20% of male profiles get 80% of the matches.

Now, this skewed proportion does not obviously reflect real life. On dating apps a carefully curated, often fake persona can do well.

Personally I find dating apps in general to not be good places to find a partner at all. Ive had much more luck meeting women in the workplace or school etc.

And not getting matches on tinder doesn't necessarily mean you aren't photogenic. When I used it I didn't get many matches either. Later I went on a trip and swiped through Tinder out of boredom, I suddenly got a lot of matches. Not very helpful because I went back home the next day. I think it's important to remember that Tinder varies the "exposure" you get by a lot, for seemingly arbitrary reasons.

@OP Easier said than done, but try not to make too much out of this. I think the recommendation for doing some activities with others is a good idea.

> There was a study done by one of the large dating sites that showed 20% of male profiles get 80% of the matches

> Now, this skewed proportion does not obviously reflect real life.

I'd argue that it's exactly the same in real life.

> Personally I find dating apps in general to not be good places to find a partner at all.

Let's not forget that Tinder isn't about meeting a partner.

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