As long as this is done in a professional way, with a sincere effort from engineers to understand the business requirements, I think refusing to do things that constitute user privacy or safety issues is a good and right thing to do.

Dark patterns are more borderline in many cases and I think the best approach is building a culture of respect for users that doesn't result in dark patterns, but in this case it looks to me like this was more than a dark pattern, it was an actual privacy violation.