I absolutely get what you mean and it sucks. I too love learning (and arguing, which doesn't help you that much on the job...)
I think these practices grow themselves out, but it takes quite some time. On the other hand, I can be defensive too if people just want to rewrite software to change the implementation language. It always sounds fun at first until you grasp the complexity of the project again.
> Tickets, JIRA, daily standups, scrum masters, sprint planning, backlog grooming sessions. Why does nobody question any of this "best practice"?
In my experience these are use to give people outside of software (and some developers) an illusion of control. If you can identify that want and can supply it with different means, you may be allowed to just skip it. I hate scrum, I like coffee breaks with colleagues. Of course that might not scale for the largest companies, don't know.
> I know some of you may say I should go get checked out for depression
On the contrary, depression stifles compassion for the craft. Like JIRA and daily standups or other formalities. As I said, if you can reduce the fears of management, they tend to give you the freedom you want. If other devs don't like that, go to management and make them your minions.