Comment by JohnBooty | Hacker News Reader

Comment by JohnBooty | Hacker News Reader

I struggle with this too. It is common.

It's not a magic solution, but considering you work at a FAANG you have sufficient $$$/insurance to pursue therapy/coaching.

Don't misunderstand. Just finding a good therapist/coach is work. You will probably have to "try" a few and they're not cheap. And then once you find a good fit the real work begins.

But, it can be a great investment. Think about it this way. Sounds like you are in your 20s or 30s. You have potentially 30+ years of employment left at $150K+ per year. That is potentially 4 or 5 million dollars, maybe more. So, when considering the costs of coaching/therapy, weigh it against this amount.

Remember that million-dollar athletes and even college and high school athletes have all kinds of coaches to help them perform. Why should YOU not deserve it?

(Side note: why don't companies invest in coaching for their expensive engineers? Considering the high cost of recruiting and retaining engineers, this seems like it would be a great competitive advantage...)

Whether you try coaching, therapy, or some other completely different route I wish you luck. Please know that you are not alone.

I loved this answer, and I struggle the same way. When you said

> why don't companies invest in coaching for their expensive engineers?

This is what makes a great manager, on the work side of things. Someone who sees the potential in other people and has the ability to unlock it, and doesn't settle for simply managing time and tasks. But for clarification, do you mean a third-party that can also help coach things like work-life balance? Because I could see a lot of value in that. I'm wondering now if I should find one for myself...

I'm no expert at all so please understand this is just the rambling of one person who's been in the trenches for a while...

    Someone who sees the potential in other 
    people and has the ability to unlock it,
    and doesn't settle for simply managing time 
    and tasks. But for clarification, do you mean 
    a third-party that can also help coach things 
    like work-life balance?

Yeah, realistically I think it's a third-party thing.

I know a lot of therapists who specialize in ADHD refer to themselves as coaches. Because ADHD isn't really "cured"; it's just sort of managed and it seems to pair pretty well with having a third party coach. I'm not sure if this is common with other behavioral health issues.

The best managers do some level of this and really can bring the best out of individuals. But finding a manager who can run a department, interface with the rest of the business, and function as something of an individual coach... that's some real unicorn territory. Finding one is great but their rarity means we should probably never count on having one around.

It's almost like finding somebody who's good at MMA, plays the violin, and is a decent watercolor artist. It is obviously possible but they're such disparate skills.

(side note: executive coaching definitely is a thing. It is not uncommon for people/companies to invest in this sort of thing.)

I love what you said here about the money side. Investment in your mental is so worth it and if you have the money, it's definitely worth considering.

Edit: It's worth it always regardless of money I should say. But if you have the means, you definitely should.

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