A lesson on the importance of encouraging your children with their projects
gamesbyemail.com
gamesbyemail.com
1. User knows exactly what he wants.
2. User can only express that in his own language.
3. Data flow diagrams, best practices, structured design, etc.
4. Dev still doesn't know what user wants but builds anyway.
5. 2 years later, project scrapped.
1. User knows exactly what he wants.
2. User can only express that in his own language.
3. Developer patiently encourages user to express himself.
4. Eureka!
5. Much learned; happy ending.The only thing you need now is a good, substantial name that evokes a mechanical and engineering process, like "User Language Oriented Design".
You win. I've stumbled across a handy mental model (in which empathy plays a pivotal role) through research on mindfulness, emotion, and neuroscience, as well as in an emotional intelligence course taught at Google by Chade-Meng Tan. In short:
Bodily awareness -> emotional self-awareness -> emotional other-awareness (empathy) -> effective communication -> healthy relationships -> happiness.
It turns out that your brain uses the same machinery to model your own emotional state as that which it uses to model the emotional states of others, so the better you are at identifying your own emotional states, the better you will be at identifying them in others, which will allow you to communicate more effectively and so forth.
Also relevant: Asana's Jack Stahl touches on the importance of empathy in a post post about peer feedback at work: http://asana.com/2011/06/peer-feedback-at-asana/
"how are you this morning Ed"... "1) I woke up 2) I had some coffee 3) I checked HN 4) Hell yes I am ok" :)
Our local supermarket is a great primarily organic shop. They have carts made for the little ones and we normally use that to do all our shopping.
I usually let him pick things down from the shelves or give him things from them to put into his cart. Sometimes his picks are random but mostly he fetches three things that I normally get.
1. Milk 2. Pasta 3. Swarts Broot
After that we go to the counter and he fetches the things for me to put up on the desk. He now even packs it.
I have found that involving him like this makes it much easier to set boundaries because he can relate to them.
It's quite different to be told to put only some of the things back rather than everything.
It's quite amazing to experience the emergence of consciousness.
Encouragement itself is a dangerous path, since it can lead to an unhealthy zeal and interest. Unless you're parenting in an unique way, parents usually are seen as an authority figure by the kids. Because of this, over-encouragement could be seen as forcefulness, and act to discourage the child by creating a sense of obligation. This is exactly what happened to me on multiple occasions. I swam breast stroke competitively when I was younger, and stopped training completely when my coach and my parents decided I should train for higher level competition. I also played badminton on a provincial level, and basically the same thing happened. This isn't me being lazy. I trained 9 hours a day last summer at the Shaolin temple on my own will.
On the other end, everything I've built (or done, other sports included), I've done so on my own accord, either with no support from my parents, or just a slight tinge of interest. I guess every child is different - just make sure not to make them feel obligated.
This is so true. There is no generalized advice that will work for all parent/children combinations. Every child is different and will require different inputs to affect optimal outputs.
Having said that, I will give one piece of generalized advice: know your kids. Notice my advice is on how a parent should behave, not the child. :) Really spend time with your kid(s) and learn how they tick. Only by doing that can you hope to understand how to help them achieve their potential.
He builds pretty amazing stuff like indoor trampoline [0] and a robotic spider [1]. Due to his increasing popularity and requests to learn from him, he created the adventure builders club: http://jamius.com/abc/abc.html
Some more about him in this thread that propelled him to fame on Reddit: http://www.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/e5qgr/so_this_guy_li...
[0] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6c2K_ZVj3I&feature=relat...
[1] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86Krv3gE-c4&feature=playe...
I love his current quest for a 3d printer that's open source and can run on his solar panels.
(1)With his kid strapped to him, wisecracking the whole time.
http://www.reddit.com/r/reprap
http://reprap.org/wiki/Main_Page
http://openfarmtech.org/wiki/Main_Page (Not quite 3D printer, but on the 'rebuild human cilization' level)
- I think the people at our Home Depot would not have been as irritated and would have led the way to the paint department, maybe it's regionally different
- My girls go for spray paint 10 out of 10 times
My daughter had a 4th grade "invention convention" project and she chose to build a anti-kick board for her desk so the boy sitting opposite couldn't kick her. It also had comfy footrests. The boy's side had an Italian and her side had a German flag (the respective nationalities) spray-painted. It ended up looking really nice and the teacher let her keep it on her desk for a few days. That project encouraged her to build some tables for her room.
Realising the great joy certain things brought me as a kid and realising that those things are beyond the reach of my kids ... Gah.
A happy story made me sad; I'm too easily depressed.
Aside: email games seems really retro.
Doesn't take that much.
Lets be honest, you can only make so much out of plastic drinks cartons and cardboard packaging. Even then it's like, oh we need some clamps, a decent trimming tool, etc..
Don't worry I'm just exhausted with "making do" at the moment. At the risk of broadcasting a break down I think I'd better slip away quietly ...
http://blog.jgc.org/2011/06/making-ponyo-or-putt-putt-boat.h...
Fun to do if you have kids.
It's funny, so often with these makes there are hidden costs. Silver spray can is quite expensive where I am. Of course you can skip that part.
I'm a big believer in not throwing stuff away that could be potentially useful.
Food colouring cost money, as does flours, but you can make your own from plants/cereals if you really feel the need.
Either you have enough money to buy some glue, or you can spend time teaching your kids how to make it. If your kids have an impressive enough attention span, you'll be teaching them something by making the glue, even more if you make the flour!
Money just makes things convient/easy. You're trying to teach, lack of money helps that.
Not useful for sealing submerged parts of a shiny metal structure though.
>Either you have enough money to buy some glue, or you can spend time teaching your kids how to make it.
This is how it seems to go. However practically you need grain, so you need a trip to a field with grain in, which would be a bus ride, which would cost more than walking to the shops to buy glue.
Once you're at the field (assuming you have permission), you'll need to gather the grain. Scythe? Sacks? I know from experience that you get little flour from the grain you can hand collect and grind with a couple of flat stones in a couple of hours. Were talking young kids here too, getting them to gather grain won't be much fun when they're moaning "I thought we were making junk boats ... can't we make our boats".
I'm not trying to be completely obstructive (honest!) - making our own epoxy sounds more fun (but again, hidden costs) - but perhaps these things will come later.
That is kind of what I meant by hidden costs.
To recapitulate often one doesn't realise the benefit of the resources one has available. Making a piece of furniture for example someone will say "use your drill press", "use a nail gun", "use an orbital sander", etc.: obviously once one has these things the usage cost is near zero but the acquisition cost is high. These acquisition costs get hidden.
Really curious about your situation. How can there be nothing you can do?
Dollar stores are great for this stuff. And office supply stores can be especially nice during back-to-school sales. And wander down every aisle in the drugstore - wooden spoons! Cupcake liners! Ping-pong balls!
However, can I drag you back to my initial bleatings - the point being that it is a rich persons gift to their child to allow them free rein in such a hardware project.
Yes we have lots of craft materials that we've acquired over the years, no we don't have $30 to spend on "random crap". But this precious little to do with where we started ...
Too often as adults we take over, we are too quick to step in, solve problems, "help" & rescue. Playing dumb can be the smartest thing to do sometimes.
Reminds me of a story I once saw about Tinkering School for kids, where they let the kids conceive and builds project together. http://www.tinkeringschool.com/
I realized all the hands-on/building/tools/etc was really paying off when he changed the batteries in a baby bouncer completely by himself. (For those unfamiliar with anything baby related, this means he had to work a screwdriver and remove several screws to take the cover off just to get to the batteries - I know adults who can't really work a screwdriver.) He even had the appropriate remark of frustration when at the end of it all he realized he'd put the cover back in the wrong way and had to take the whole thing off and re-do it...
I don't have kids yet but when I think about parenting, this is what I always dream of. However, when I tell my "non-hacker" friends, they don't seem to get excited about it. I don't know why. For me, parenting is all about playing a supporting role in the kids journey to understand the world and learn to hack it for the better.
Like this guy letting his kid run the show in the store, my parents gave me freedom with computers (old Macs that some schools were throwing out) when I was growing up, knowing that they could fix whatever it is I might happen to break, and that's given me the confidence throughout my childhood and up to the present day to always experiment and try new project ideas, knowing that mistakes can be fixed.
Given his parent's awesomeness, I'm sure Guy has seen similar benefits with having had the freedom to make project choices typically restricted to adults.
Text copyright (c) 2004 Scott Nesin.
Drawings copyright (c) 2004 Guy Nesin, used with permission.
My experience with my parents was quite the opposite. Whenever I would ask for help they'd present me with a heap of arguments why I shouldn't "waste my time on this stuff" and even try to stop me. I finally came to the conclusion that it's best not to ask them at all but try to do it secretly myself and only show them the end result.
The only other possible outcome was them doing it all themselves. Usually saying that they will do it faster and better and won't break or make anything dirty in process. Perfect example of how not to raise children.
Build stuff, obviously. Maybe not the same (I for one wouldn't have wanted a checker table as a kid), but building is something everybody should do.
Well, OK, maybe not that last one.
Great book he might want to read: http://www.amazon.com/Hacking-Exposed-Network-Security-Solut...
You know a headline like "My weekend project: father/son NSA hacking" make for a great story to read on HN. ;)
Just saying - girls play chess, too.
There are infinite possibilities for doing things in the world. If not building things, what about the kid who held a speech in front of the UN at age eleven and apparently moved lots of people to tears (don't remember - was it on HN recently?).
You could do some biology stuff, like EO Wilson who went on the trail of fire ants. Some biological drama is probably playing out right now in your backyard.
What I mean is: whatever interests your daughter, there is probably something useful/fun to do.
It seems like our girls turned less "girly" once they started school and of course it helps both my wife and I are engineers. Pink spray paint is always an option...
The thing is that kids in general tend to be pushed into stereotypes. This isn't just an unsubstantiated hypothesis I actually remember how adults used do this, for example they don't play with you if you pick up the wrong kind of doll, they don't look at you properly and so on. It's just subtle cues but a child picks them. (every child depends on these cues to learn and develop)
What worries me is that if you continue treating everything with the "over the gender divide" attitude she will get attuned to it, and it will kick off a pretty vicious cycle. So, please do realise that labels are for jars and just let her be, like this awesome dad did for his son.
P.S. - There is this comment http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=2758516 right above that might answer your quandary in a definite manner
Just wondering: do you now build robots?
Yep. :D
Ask Her.
Every Org which trust his non-managerial staff and allow them to try out things often progress and prosper much faster than companies where politics and bureaucracy often create obstacles.
Based on your corporate access policies, this web site ( http://gamesbyemail.com/WoodTape/Default.htm ) has been blocked because it has been determined by Web Reputation Filters to be a security threat to your computer or the corporate network. This web site has been associated with malware/spyware.
Threat Type: Othermalware
Threat Reason: IP address is either verified as a bot or has misconfigured DNS.http://books.google.com/books?id=XDq9Xf_NbrMC&lpg=PT28&#...
Adam Savage from Mythbusters claimed his love of building came from his parents encouraging him to make all sorts of crazy inventions. Moral of the story, encourage the children to build stuff, keep them on track but don't do it for them.
Ok. I don't like that either.
I'd rather raise a healthy, curious, creative, passionate, and happy child.
I couldn't care less about what he achieves.
If he achieves nothing, so be it. In fact, on average, he won't achieve much ... but when he does achieve something, it'll blow your mind.
And that little drone you raised, who is desperately trying to catch your attention? He'll focus on titles and milestones. He can verbalize that. He can quantify it. He can get others (and you) to easily recognize his "achievement" ... more to the point, he will always be trying to put you in a position where you MUST give him praise, because you constantly hold it back.
You want to know what that looks like? BA, BS, MS, Phd, JD, 100K salary, BMW, etc. etc. ... easily quantifiable status symbols that can be placed in a study and can be easily used to force the parent to render praise. Is that really achievement?
I'd rather my kid start the next Apple.
What about just getting married and raising a great family? Or starting a mechanic shop that lets him fish every afternoon? Living a happy life that they choose and having a positive impact on the people around them. The occupation, money, etc. don't matter so much.
That's a lot harder than starting the next Apple. Seriously.
Telling your kid "I just want you to be happy" is nice, but it conveys nothing. As a parent, it's your job to teach him how to get there.
I should know what his passion is. I'm his dad. I don't care if it's computers, cars, or fish. Whatever it is, I'll do it with him and I'll push him to be the best in that field.
I don't care what "achievements" he acquires. That trophy means squat. So does that degree. So does that salary.
I want to see the child challenged, I want to see him fail, and I want to see him get up, learn from his mistakes, and try again. I want to see that attitude in every aspect of his life. That, alone, is the biggest achievement he can make.
Maybe if the kid tries to become the next Steve Jobs, he'll fall on his ass often enough, to the point that the pain will beat into him what's really important in life ... and maybe, just maybe, after all that, he'll learn how to live a happy life.
But, at the end of the day, our parents are most proud of us for who we are as human beings and members of society, and not for any titles, salaries or vehicles we possess. And I think that's exactly the way it should be.
I would much rather raise an intellectually curious child who would like to show me the cool project they worked on, or the cool thing they discovered, than one who believes I'll only praise them for a letter grade from an arbitrary third party.
> I'd rather my kid start the next Apple.
Me too, but I'd happily settle for my kid being happy, content and fulfilled with the life they lead, regardless of whether or not that involves creating a Fortune 500.
> ...easily quantifiable status symbols that can be placed in a study and can be easily used to force the parent to render praise.
Just as a data point, I'd like to add that coming from a childhood of constant praise and overprotective parenting, I am also looking for easily quantifiable symbols of achievement. Growing up under-challenged, for me it was quite the interesting psychological experience to have to face the reality that I've been coasting through high-school and college, and have absolutely no objective idea of my skills or achievements.
What I mean is, each extreme is damaging - lack of praise, but also too much praise. A good middle ground is perhaps objective evaluation of the child's progress, coupled with a good introduction into the art of reasonable persistence.
An artist who is a hero of mine, Toshi Iwai (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toshio_Iwai) in his talks describes how his parents stopped buying toys for him when he turned 10. He was encouraged to design and build his own toys. When he talks about his art, he always starts by showing these great sketches and flipbooks he made as a ten year old.
anyway, I find this approach (expense account for building supplies, encouraging children to build their own toys) really quite inspiring and plan on trying to raise my children the same way when they are that age.
More importantly, I think that forcing your kids to do these types of interactions from a young age is very instrumental in their growth and development. While I am not well-versed in childhood development, I think that I rarely (if ever) was encouraged to do these sorts of things on my own when I was young, and that (possibly due in part to this) I had to break an irrational phobia of these types of social interactions at around the age of 18.
I was literally afraid to ask for help in a store, or to call a business for almost any reason. Mentally preparing for phone calls with strangers, even something as innocuous as finding out store hours, could leave me shaking.
Fortunately, I've managed to overcome this anxiety. I can't know for certain whether more of these types of interaction at a young age would have prevented this problem, but I think that it is reasonable to believe that it could have. The slight inconvenience is a small price to pay for this sort of developmental skill-building.
That's not to say that some people don't need to reign in their kids now and then, just that an appropriate amount of interaction is healthy and really not very annoying at all to others.
'The fellow is already engaged with another customer, talking on a phone and looking at various plumbing boxes on the top shelf. [...] He is rather busy, and is starting to look around frantically for a parent to clear the matter up. "Tough luck, buddy," I think as I'm stepping forward.'
The part I object to is not teaching a child how to socialize. It's the deliberate abuse of a "busy", "engaged with another customer", and "frantic" employee under the banner of "tough luck, buddy" -- i.e. "it's a kid, so I can do whatever obnoxious thing I want and you have to put up with it". Also, "tough luck, other customer". Maybe this kid also needs to learn how to wait his turn, so he doesn't wind up a self-entitled asshole like his daddy.
There are, of course, some things wrong here. The child should not interrupt another customer to get help - that is rude. But part of learning is making mistakes, and I think it totally agrees with the spirit of the rest of the story to let the child make the mistake, and point out afterwards what improvements could be made (to be clear, the story does not say that this happens, I am only suggesting the hypothetical that it could happen, and I claim that it would justify the inconvenience). Again, this is slightly inconvenient for the people involved, but a great life lesson for the kid. By making these social mistakes, he gains experience with the types of subtle cues people let on when you are performing a social faux pas. A short explanation after the fact from the father can help the child not to make the same mistakes again.
Of course, this particular father may have done none of those things. He may be a sadistic bastard who pointed out the most busy, overly worked employee in the store simply because he likes bothering people, then congratulated his kid on making a spectacle. But the spirit of the story is lighthearted, so I interpret his actions as well-meaning (and probably slightly exaggerated, for effect).
I don't think that people should have to put up with any obnoxious thing a kid does. In fact, I think it would have been a great thing for the other people in the story to treat him like an adult, just like the dad wanted them to. If the clerk had said "hang on, I'll be able to help you in one minute", that wouldn't have been a problem. Or if the other customer had said, "pardon me, but I am in the middle of a question here - can you wait?", then the obnoxiousness of the situation could have been avoided entirely and the kid would have gotten a great lesson out of it.
People just need to relax. I know kids can be obnoxious. It bothers me to hell when I see children running around, bumping into people and sword-fighting in the aisles of the supermarket while the parent seems totally oblivious. But these sort of minor inconveniences need to be viewed as they are - minor. Total time wasted of other people in the store on this day - maybe about 45 seconds. Hardly a big enough deal for you to label the daddy a "self-entitled asshole".
By the way, I didn't down-vote you. I don't agree with you, but I think that you made a perfectly valid point - children are annoying. In fact, I up-voted you for it.
This is America, the kid's money's just as green. (OK that was a little crass I admit :-)