How to Boost Self Esteem and Stop Procrastinating
neuralshifter.com
neuralshifter.com
That said, I'm a born procrastinator with undiagnosed ADHD and I've managed to accomplish a few things, mostly after I turned 30. Here is all I would say helped me:
First, accepting who I am, that everybody has some mental struggles and this is mine.
Second, internalizing that mood follows motion. I can't sit around waiting to feel right before starting/doing something. You will never feel right. It's the doing of the thing that makes you feel right. Just start shit. That's the battle.
Finally, conserve momentum at all costs. When I'm really getting things done, keeping grinding, extend the streaks, fewer cold starts makes my life easier.
I can really resonate with that.
But the third one is actually hard, because it is a double edged sword. My current strategy is to contain momentum so it doesn’t expand into obsession and deliberately give myself time to sleep over things.
Sleep is precious, it recovers but it also works your brain. You get perspective and connect dots.
I guess I‘m cautious because I was so bad at the first two, that I clinged on the third, which is exhausting and unhealthy.
I also try to find things I can work on a little bit every day for a longer period of time. If I want to learn a foreign language or the fancy programming framework of the month, I do much better if it's used every day for 15 minutes than all at once and then forgotten.
If you're undiagnosed, how do you know?
Thanks, bud.
I still feel like just expressing my viewpoint could help someone else change, I just don't expect it most of the time.
We are stubborn brains.
But deciding to armchair-quarterback what somebody knows about their own mental health is frankly not a debate just an attack and a pretty silly one at that.
Continuing to spread the idea that any unqualified person can just decide they have a mental health disorder without seeking help from _legitimate professionals_ in that space is negligent. I'm attacking the negligent spread of harmful information about mental health, as _obviously_ people that are struggling with mental health conditions _should seek qualified help_.
I'm glad the book you read helped you find some amount of clarity or made you feel better. That's great!
Possibly, for yours, you need a doctor to rattle off 10 questions and write down your answers.
But me, for mine, I am content to read the 10 questions written by the doctors for me to interpret myself.
The fact that you don't realize you are being offensive is just so... chef's kiss.
Please continue your crusade against negligence elsewhere. You've added absolutely nothing here.
The arrogance of this statement is astounding.
> The fact that you don't realize you are being offensive is just so... chef's kiss.
I'm certain that you're offended by my statements, but only because of your aforementioned arrogance. Telling unqualified individuals to seek help from qualified individuals about matters regarding mental health isn't offensive. I'm sorry that I don't have the faith in random unqualified individuals that you do.
> Please continue your crusade against negligence elsewhere. You've added absolutely nothing here.
I ended our conversation previously and you chose to revive this discussion. You're welcome to see yourself out whenever you're ready.
Why needlessly call-out, contradict and argue? This, my comment here, was a share out, it took some courage to post it, none of it was about or impacted you. You took it upon yourself to be the critic. So to that I say, buzz off. You’re unwanted.
> created: 82 days ago
Yup. This checks out.
No thanks. Enjoy your older account. I can't possibly care any less about your actual identity and any perceived significance you think sharing a username across websites gives you. It's also not my opinion that totally unqualified individuals cannot take the place of legitimate doctors.
Best of luck. I won't be continuing this thread. I really am glad that book helped you and really do hope that you someday seek legitimate treatment.
The quality-of-life improvement is substantial.
All the forms of care that require a legitimate diagnosis?
> How much wasted time would be needed to get it diagnosed?
An hour (not "wasted", used for legitimate diagnosis and assessment)
> And how much wasted time would be needed until a doctor hits on the right prescription for you?
Is your alternative just not getting meds? How is that better than trying?
Happens more often with the Inattentive subtype of ADHD than with Hyperactive, because the former is much harder to spot, especially in adults, plus everyone around you is eager to offer you value judgements as diagnoses (suggesting you're lazy, undisciplined, don't have an actual problem), and/or prescribe you the common "go away" nonsolutions like better diet and exercise (I call them "go away" because it's just sending someone on a wild goose chase in order to have them stop bothering you).
ADHD is severely underdiagnosed in adults, and getting from undiagnosed to diagnosed stage is often just a matter of going to a psychiatrist - after first overcoming stigma, stereotype, and ADHD-induced problems. Easy peasy. Not.
In my experience, even after starting, some things just remain difficult. No matter how long I manage to keep momentum, that inner voice keeps saying: "This is hard. This is boring. This is time consuming. This is boring. This is uninteresting. I want to do something else." It's like rolling a stone up a hill; there is just no momentum to gain.
Sometimes a perspective change can help, but that can be easier said than done.
Sometimes starting on tasks that require my brain to work with me can be enough momentum to push start it into whatever it is that I need to complete. But a lot of the time it is exactly as you describe; no matter how long I work at it it's extremely hard to get through or even impossible. If my brain doesn't want to retain information or process information to create something, it won't.
There are strategies and things that can help with this, but a lot of them require external resources and understanding. Having well defined tasks with good external accountability can be really helpful. Having strong incentives for completing tasks can help too. The problem is that finding people that can accommodate your needs here is pretty damn hard.
So the strategies for making something that is difficult to complete needs to feed into your motivations.
If you find yourself procrastinating and being unable to complete a task until the deadline is very close, but somehow find the motivation to complete that task inside that short window of time, then accountability is a factor.
If you have a manager at work, for example, and they are willing to help accommodate you, frequent check ins for accountability could help. They should be nonjudgemental, but frequent enough to make the task feel urgent. They could also break a larger project into small tasks (like a kanban) and have micro-deadlines for specific tasks rather than a deadline for the entire project. For a student this might be asking the professor to have check-ins or breaking a larger project into smaller homework assignments due daily.
If you're by yourself or people supervising you are unwilling to accommodate you, then the biggest favor you can do for yourself is try to break down a task before you start doing it. A project like "clean your room" is very vague and perhaps daunting. But if you break that down into individual tasks, such as "remove all clothes off the floor," "put all cola cans in the recycle bin," "take cups to kitchen", etc. it can be more manageable. Doing this also creates a potential reward system which you may or may not respond to: checking off a to-do list. Some people find this very satisfying and watching things get crossed out or checked off or deleted might just provide the dopamine that your brain needs.
Rewards are also a very important aspect to finding ways to complete tasks you don't want to. A reward might be as simple as someone saying "I'm relying on you to get this thing done for me" or it could straight up be a tangible reward like money or food or whatever else gives you joy. If you can figure out ways to trick your brain into rewarding yourself, then all the better. Personally creating a reward like "you can play video games after finishing writing this bit of code" doesn't really work for me since I can very easily just go do that thing. Perhaps something like adding something to a shopping cart and saying you can submit the order when you've completed your task might work if you can afford it. Still, external reward functions work better in my experience, though even knowing someone else is relying on me to complete a task is a big motivator for my brain to get it done. Rewards also need to be frequent. Having a reward set up for the end of a project is not going to be useful for motivation throughout it. You need to have regular rewards built in for them to be really effective, I think.
Another strategy is to set a timer. This timer can be for whatever you want, but the thought process isn't just to do something for that long, but rather a challenge against the clock to see how much you can get done. If you're in the kitchen and you're microwaving some food for a few minutes, you could maybe use that as a timer to see how many dishes you can put away or wash. You can play a song and see how much of a function you can write in your code before the song ends.
Those are some of the ones off the top of my head, though there are probably more resources you can find online for dealing with ADHD or executive dysfunction that would help a lot.
Examples are:
- building a side project that might never get a customer
- putting hours into a design that a client might hate for some unknown personal reason that didn't come up earlier
- responding to a tenderSome things need to get done, at least short term, sure. But if that's structural, some major chances should be done.
If a side project is neither a source of learning, nor fun, nor of opportunity (and thus "it doesn't pay off", in your words) - then just don't do it and find something else.
I'm a fierce believer in intrinsic motivation. Extrinsic motivations don't hold up. You're set to give up sooner or later.
(This is to say nothing of the inherent problems with extrinsically motivated work, such as freelance work.)
Take something like Basecamp as an example. I came up as a web developer at the same time as those guys. Could've built something like that, but didn't do it then and certainly not with the same conviction. If I had, and had early adoption, I would've stuck at it and carried through - the fun aspect wouldn't have been an issue if there was early success.
Agreed, I think that acceptance is a great start. The next stage I think is accommodation. Organize your life in a way that compensates for the struggle.
The key trick is to start really small to remove the hurdle of getting going and establishing the habit, and returning to small in moments of low motivation or other impediment (eg 1 pushup will keep the momentum. 0 pushups won't)
Any idea, what would the equivalent be for this single pushup applied to coding/programming?
I tried it once (trying the medication is part of the diagnosis), I found myself switching tasks with Intent and being really focused on one thing at a time, vs my usual mode of "multitasking".
Me too! It does coincide with periods of medication, but this decade has been substantially better than the last.
I hadn't thought about that timing until now.
did you ever get any mentorship? i’ve started to feel that i would really benefit from a mentor, probably someone with experience of executive function disorders etc.
In fact, the vast majority of self-help advice I've seen in my life so far was entirely based on anecdotal evidence, survivor bias, obviously inadequate generalizations ("if I can do it this way, you can do it this way, too"), and an incredible amount of aggressive immunization to critique ("if you're sceptical about anything I say, you already have the wrong mindset and will never achieve anything"). It's very off-putting to someone with a background in science.
- name it. Some writers call it "resistance." You can call it Philip, Satan or whatever. It helps with recognition.
- don't be afraid to be quirky. Have 3 desks. Do jumping jacks every 9 minutes. Whatever works. The overt act of battling in itself can help a lot.
I am amazing at starting. I start so many projects. My way of procrastinating is to start something new rather than work on what I should be working on. I absolutely suck at sticking with something until it's done. I am not a "completer finisher". Suggesting someone like me should "Just start shit." is literally the worst advice. :)
„Just“ as in: I‘m still trying to figure this stuff out as a lifelong procrastinator but other ingredients than momentum conservation which was also huge for me were self-acceptance, self-forgiveness and especially „Tiny Habits“ (the book)
Establishing triggers in my life that put me back on track in autopilot mode were some of the largest game changers for me.
The biggest one being that I now have a 10 step go-to-bed routine that sets my next-morning-self up for a great mood and start into the day.
Plus, it‘s a gentle, daily reminder of caring and being gentle to myself.
I don't think they were talking about your hobbies.
But the latest game changer in my life including my ability to succeed, has been religious in nature.
It's hard to describe to someone who hasn't felt this but it went something like this - once you accept that everything that exists is the purposeful creation of G-d, including you exactly as you are and your circumstance exactly as it is, it changed my perspective.
Normally, my approach to situations has been one of anxiety - how do I steer this ship to good waters, how do I become someone who is capable of that, etc. I surely achieved a lot but also faces a lot of self doubt, procrastinated etc.
Now, it's "easier." I recognize that G-d has blessed me to know who I am and what I am like, as well as plenty of opportunities to hone those things. And the roles I am in require just that from me. So all o need to do is go where I know I need to be and be me in those situations. Don't worry about my ability to see how the thing works out, just know that I am where I am intentionally and I am meant to be there.
This has reduced my anxiety and procrastination a lot. And lest this sound hippy dippy, what I actually do for a living is steer large organizations, drive clarity, hold people empowered but accountable. I just do it now with more ease. Thank G-d.
The thing that worries me about the all powerful father figure who has a plan for you and that plan is objectively good (no matter what), is that it trivializes causation. There are plenty of people in my family that refuse to learn from life experiences or try new things because "the plan" is already set in stone, and it is good (by definition) so why change anything?
In my study of both Judaism and the yogic tradition, what you described is NOT the intention.
Free will (fundamental to religion) means our choices matter. I am equally "capable" of helping or hurting someone. I realize I can do either, but I know which one resonates with me deeply and which one is abhorrent.
All religion in its pure form is empowering people to grow and change for the better. Stagnation you are talking about is real, but those people are missing the point I fear.
That's quite the stretch.
Most of the largest pseudo-monotheistic mythologise effectively preclude free will by virtue of their various predestination fables.
Free will does suggest that all prophets are making educated guesses, rather than receiving divine insight into future events. In Christian mythology there's the classic Matthew 26:21 bit that atheists like to point out in any discussion about free will (or lack of).
I don't have any insight into the texts of the other two large organised religions, but I'm sure there's a some number of distant predictions in those that stretch the 'everyone has free will' claim.
The best way to describe the difference is through a parable that's often told - the man who is stuck on his roof top during a flood. The man is stuck on top of his roof, praying to God that he should be saved from the rising water. A series of first responders arrive, by boat, by helicopter, etc; the man waves them all off, saying "God will save me".
After the man drowns, he meets God in anger, saying "why did you not save me?" God replies, "I sent a boat and a helicopter.. what more do you expect?"
The message I get from this parable is that your life experiences are far from pre-ordained, and that you are not hopelessly dependent on some other higher power for your welfare. Exactly the opposite! You must seize the opportunities you're given and grow to appreciate and nurture the natural abilities you have in order to live a fulfilling life.
Please don't take this as a "Gotcha" question, it's just something I've always wondered
As far as your question, I would recommend reading Viktor Frankl’s book A Mans Search for Meaning. It’s powerful as any book you’ll ever read and give you an insight to how at least one person persevered through the most horrific of circumstances.
It's always been my experience that motivation depends on the spirit you can manufacture in yourself.
On whether I am rational or not, I'll just say this: Einstein believed what I believe. Newton believed what I believe. That doesn't mean I am right but I am certainly in good company.
“For me the Jewish religion like all other religions is an incarnation of the most childish superstition… As far as my experience goes, they are in fact no better than other human groups, even if they are protected from the worst excesses by a lack of power. Otherwise I cannot perceive anything ‘chosen’ about them.”
No, they did not [1] [2]. The two believed such diametrically opposed things that I can't believe anyone could claim to be in the company of both at the same time.
Please leave the condescension at the door. It does not reflect well on your beliefs.
[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_and_philosophical_vi...
[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_views_of_Isaac_Newto...
God bless and I hope your beliefs help provide inner peace.
I call it the Tao, Loch Kelly calls it Level 3 (of 5), and I think you call it G-d.
As someone who was raised with a light touch of Islam, defected the Atheism only to circle back to Zen and Taoism, I’m looking for the “link” between Abrahamic religions and (my Western interpretation) of Eastern practices.
On the level down, as I study Judaism deeper and esoterically, I find concepts that are conceptually aligned to concepts I found deep in Yogic tradition.
I think the primary divine spark is a man waking up and going "there's more to this, I want to connect to it emotionally and intellectually" -- that's the starting point of religion. Whichever path you take to explore that will end up in a conceptually similar place I think (at least based on these experiences.) Good luck!
Sounds very Calvinist.
So maybe it's something deeply rooted in humans, since one of our great sources of success as a species was the ability to pass on information through generations, allowing it to compound.
And it makes sense that it works, if all narratives were literal then they'd be quite boring, maybe less memorable.
Scientific literature has it's own way of conveying information, but serves a different purpose, without magic and mythology. I think very few people look at religious books as scientific material/source, maybe a very small, but loud, minority.
Others simply evolved in that direction, through thousands of iterations, so it seems like lot of religions might be quite "optimized" and boiled down to the essentials of human condition, so the type of narratives, frames and contexts influence our perspectives and help us thrive and propel us forward in life.
I do consider them as a projection of our limits, and some kind of stuff to respect a bit because when you deviate too much long term, you lose.
I kinda feel like you beside the notion of God. I understand that living in anxiety (my previous way of living) is not optimal. That things are too chaotic, and often relying on paradoxically blind trust can yield better solutions. Paradoxical in the sense that trust also help you to see things calmer and clearer which is a requirement for reasoned thinking.
I guess this ties into the problem of living in chaos[0], which is how the world used to be, and probably how humans managed to go through with such high levels of uncertainty.
[0] pardon the link but trading also exemplify this.
I understand your point and if it was "just" that it would be valuable enough as you say.
The only thing I can say for my case, is I came to this point through religious study that was motivated by a search for truth. This calmness is an unexpected side effect, it was not the motivator.
What caused you to seek truth (even though I guess most of us have this reflex 24/7) ? Then chose to do so through religious study ?
To answer your question, part of it has always been there. Eg my parents raised me to always question and grow. Meaning, if I have a day where I just ate/played/slept with nothing to show for it, it didn't feel good. If I learned and understood something new then it's a good day. So I was kinda bootstrapped with that approach.
Then over my life (I turned 40 this year) I have been exposed to different things that I approached with open mindedness. When I got more exposure to at first yoga and then Judaism, I recognized on both of these things a tradition of people trying to push their levels of understanding, in the same way that I am compelled to. To a naive person religion comes across as dogmatic, just unquestioned answers, but I quickly recognized that religion is really about asking the biggest questions there are and then the smartest people of their generations have spent cumulative millennia contemplating the answers. So it slowly but surely resonated with me.
It's kind of like.. imagine someone never had watermelon until they were 30, but once they tasted it they loved it. The reality is that they must have always loved watermelon they just didn't know it. And luckily they were open minded enough to taste it which let them discover that they had this hunger within them to begin with.
Cool, so now instead of having anxiety of how to make complicated and wide-reaching decisions, you've told yourself that a deity is guiding you so you don't have to second-guess yourself, and when shit hits the fan it wasn't your fault anyways because you were just trusting the deity. All you've done is shift responsibility and burden off yourself, of _course_ that makes you feel better!
It's very troublesome that somebody steering large organizations, as you claim, has this irresponsible mindset.
That's like saying you're fine driving at 90mph in the rain because Jesus is on your side. You're choosing to not feel the true weight of your responsibility because it's easier to just "have faith" that Jesus will take the wheel. That doesn't sound strictly better at all, that sounds irresponsible and immature.
To correct your analogy: We have a destination in mind. We know it's down this dark and rainy road. I can't foresee every twist and turn on this road and I am able to be at peace with that.
This makes me a better driver because I am able to focus my heart and soul and energy on the road on front of me, without being distracted by what I don't and can't know.
I control the controllable and I know the knowable - and I do that no less well than when I was areligious. The difference is now I give no thought to the uncontrollable and unknowable - that's on G-ds hands. I focus on what's in mine.
I can't misunderstand what doesn't make any sense.
> We have a destination in mind. We know it's down this dark and rainy road. I can't foresee every twist and turn on this road and I am able to be at peace with that.
When people say "they're at peace" with things like this in the context of religion, it usually means they've replaced the importance of the here and now with valuing the beyond and the ephemeral. Things in the here and now just aren't that important because God or Jesus will take care of things. I would argue that being at peace when you're in danger, driving down a dark and rainy road, would make you a much worse hypothetical driver. To be a bit snarky, I for one wouldn't want my driver thinking in the back of his mind that if we all die in a crash, it's no big deal because it was God's plan anyways.
You're gonna say that that's not what you do, but that peace has to come from somewhere, and from what you've been saying it sure sounds an awful lot like the peace comes from absolving yourself of responsibility for things that you can't control, even if they are still your responsibility to handle.
> James argues that we may be justified in adopting a belief even if we don't have enough prior evidence in support of it, and in some cases, 1) we may only have access to supporting evidence only after we have adopted the belief, or 2) our adoption of the belief may make the belief true. For James, religious beliefs are paradigm examples of such beliefs.
This essay is responsible for the term “leap of faith,” where one’s ability to follow through with something depends upon their belief that they are able to. This is applicable to part of the scientific process as well: following an insight is what gives rise to hypotheses.
[0] https://godandgoodlife.nd.edu/digital-essays/the-will-to-bel...
[1] https://arquivo.pt/wayback/20090714151749/http://falcon.jmu....
So when I find myself procrastinating I quickly decide: I'm not going to do it at all. If deciding that gives me sense of relief then I take it was a sign I was right to drop it.
But if decding that feels wrong then I will contemplate on it, because maybe it was pointing towards something that I should be looking into more closely.
For example, our culture is really trying to sell the idea of "I should be going to gym" but no, I shouldn't. Instead it's probably a good idea to put my muscles into work somehow but then that doesn't have to be gym.
But I can tell that everytime I'm doing the thing that's good for me: I'm in flow and things are rolling forward very nicely. I don't need anyone telling me what I should or should not.
The approach this applies is to feed you leading questions, where the questions suppose that you're successful and ask you why this is.
The article dismisses protests of “but I'm not successful” by inviting you to write any old aspirational guff, and then points out that there's probably a nugget of truth in there somewhere.
I haven't come across this approach before, and I think it could be a neat trick to get out of a funk.
Maybe wrong environment, maybe unfortunate neural maturation, maybe I haven't found the right thing?
And all this talk about adult ADHD in the context of self-improvement feels like medicalizing normality to increase demand for stimulants. Stimulants stimulate, so of course they increase motivation (at the cost of cardiovascular and possibly other side effects). With the right (stimulating) amount of alcohol I actually get motivated too.
Not feeling motivated to do shit on your own aside from what's necessary to survive (i.e. not in the context of a greater purpose) or leisure seems pretty natural for most I know.
And what actually constitutes a pathological level of attention-deficit and hyperactivity: To me it's that loud kid running around during class with no amount of (non-abuse) punishment reigning it in; not not feeling like operating under pressure of higher demands due to increased competition or do or die mentality.
"Procrastination is not a time management problem, it is an emotion"
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19975862
542 points | whack | 2 years ago | 168 comments
When facing new tasks with unknowns, my fear of failure & social anxiety is what's holding me in place. (Which is pretty silly, since not doing the task is basically failure in itself, but I guess then you get to blame "laziness" and such)
There is no "one book fix all" and the self help book market is full of superficial crap, but this book has helped me reshape my thinking some. To see my own personal struggle with procrastination in a far more relaxed manner, and with that, even life itself to some degree. It has helped me a lot. Maybe the essay does not speak to you. For me it describes me perfectly, and I thrive in chaos (you should see my desk), but by embracing and admitting it, it actually can make me productive.
I think it's unlikely for people to change much beyond the age of 20 (in fundamental ways, I would even suggest _much_ earlier). If you are a sensitive introvert you just never will be a brace extrovert. If you are messy, and a procrastinator, forcing yourself into being orderly and structured, that won't solve anything and you will constantly fail.
In the end work with your weaknesses, give them a positive spin, and start being more relaxed. You are who you are, and there is always room for improvement. Huge, fundamental change just won't happen. And there is no need for it. You are who you are, and that's alright.
Accept that, and then work with it. And being more relaxed, less stressful, less apologetic for who you are, more honest about it, that makes it possible in the first place to improve yourself in meaningful and lasting ways. It won't be fundamental, but little things go a long way. The rest is acceptance and humility.
But clearly your mileage may vary and others don't quite appreciate is like I do.
Just read Happiness Hypothesis.
My situation improved once i stopped chasing insights, blogposts and "mind-hacks" about procrastination, and focus on real, daily change. Not only reading therapy workbooks, but actually completing the exercises in them.
Since the central emotion behind procrastination seems to be anxiety for most people, i recommend getting a book, (e.g. [0]), and work on it for ~30 minutes, each day. This alone can give a sense of accomplishment and progress, which importantly increases your Self-Efficacy.
[0] "The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Anxiety: Breaking Free from Worry, Panic, PTSD, and Other Anxiety Symptoms" (New Harbinger Publications)
It's terrible for self-worth. It's a type of fear of commitment. A lack of realisation that someone done is worth more than something that is not.
It's as stupid as not being able to choose a dish from a large menu in a restaurant. You feel that committing to selecting a dish over another one might be something to regret.
The cure to this is to just start without thinking and commit to that experience. It usually turns out OK and we feel much better about ourselves afterwards.
I have also noticed that a greater sense of temporality has helped with making movement on projects. Working from home seems to diminish this relationship and as a result I don't feel the scarcity of time. I feel a much greater sense of this scarcity while working from an office and limiting myself to office hours. At home I feel like I have all the time I need. Working from an office, I feel the time flying by. I'm trying to figure out how to bring that office experience to my home environment.
Usually it's impossible to evaluate every circumstance and make a 100% rational and informed decision. And you are right that committing to something - walking down some path in life and staying responsible to your choice - closes other doors in life. This can lead to analysis paralysis, being stunned by the variety of options.
What you can gain by making up your mind and having a responsible commitment is that it can bring you to depths you have never seen or experienced before, which can lead to more happiness and self-development (spiritual development).
In many situations like choosing a life partner or a career path, you can only have a 'best guess', and the rest is actually made up by your own faith and hard work in deepening the relationship.
I recommend this (pop) psychology book which has some chapters touching on this topic. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/347852.The_Road_Less_Tra...
I feel like this is the sort of insight that I could use to understand why any of my friends or people I respect have been able to "settle" for a life which in the end is deeply fulfilling (vs my own approach which may always be seeking something more exciting but shallow.)
I feel like you're touching on a critical point by mentioning that by committing to something which may be not be the interesting life, you hit upon something which could be far more fulfilling. This is experiencing life on another level. This is something you aren't even aware of as you're hesitating to commit.
"and the rest is actually made up by your own faith and hard work in deepening the relationship"
And this is something I must have heard from everyone who has made a significant contribution to my cultural development (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, community leaders.)
Maybe you should be the one to be teaching the course. Thank you! I would love to talk to you more if you read this comment.
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27537891
The most important value is in the depths of the thing once we have committed. This makes the commitment all that more important. Good or bad choice, the real value is uncovered with that further digging.
Maybe the question of what's the best thing to be doing is missing the point?
Giving yourself license to change your mind gets rid of a lot of anxiety behind starting. I do have to balance that with the need to actually finish stuff, but I'm better off getting started regardless. Better to be in it and involved than sitting on the sidelines. Like some of the other comments have mentioned, making any decision is better than no decision, even if you later find it was the wrong decision.
> But whatever happens, your future happiness is entirely related to your ability to impose your own limits on your freedom.
> The time has come to not be everything you want to be, but to be one thing you've wanted to be.
Then, next time, it's so much easier to start, because it's all setup. Sometimes the doing is trivial at that point.
"You have to know what it feels like to be someone you're not" is a great point, making this a great question, but as a procrastinator... I really don't know. The article would be enhanced if it provided example answers from people for whom the prompt is accurate.
Documentation helps you structure your thoughts, and provides a way for you to revisit your work later, and resume your work where you left off.
Think of it as some sort of rubber ducking, but for project management.
> So far this has been mostly drivel.
"Vacuously, because I don't set my mind to anything."
Rest of instructions unclear, head (still) stuck in procrastination toaster.
In my case, I know it the hard way, because I drop from burnout for serveral months after starting and preferably completing such major projects. Since a few of them over the course of two decades, I feel I can't reach such an intense commitment state anymore. And haven't.
> When I have time to focus on my interests
Why are there objective limits to what I can accomplish?
> Wage slavery
Think about it.
"Fake it 'til you make it" is terrible advice, in any arena.
There is the case where you may undervalue your skills or misread a situation, and you actually have more efficacy in producing some outcome than you may think (e.g. applying for some job even though you feel woefully underqualified, then landing the job and having to work super hard to get up to speed, but you /do it/). In this case, you don't have to fake anything. You just have to do it.
But the common case where people advise this is terrible, i.e. to just "pretend" as though your internal thoughts were somehow that of someone whom you desire to be like.
A canonical example is telling some introverted guy to just "fake it til you make it" when it comes to dating. What ends up happening is these guys muster a ton of willpower to put themselves in extremely uncomfortable situations (e.g. going to something like salsa dancing or yoga with the intention of "meeting girls") and attempt to "be" like whatever they imagine a confident "Chad" to be. Inevitably this backfires because they have no idea what confidence is, and it usually leaves them off worse than before.
When it comes to procrastinating, you cannot attempt to change deeply ingrained feelings BEFORE you start on some epic task.
No, the only way that has ever worked for me and what I have seen work is to get started on the smallest possible thing, and be /consistent/.
For example, I want to learn more about how hash tables are constructed in C++, so I'm trying to write my own library to create code and write tests for my own edification. I can tell you that whenever I would see the initial task of "learn hash tables", my mind would just give up hope. The task is too dang big and abstract!
But the key to getting started and quitting that procrastination is to learn to /hope/ for something reasonable and doable, not /hope/ for something that would require a deus ex machina to just yeet yourself over to the other side from novice to expert.
Hoping for "becoming really dang good at hash tables" is vague and overwhelming, but I /can/ hope for "set up a hello-world application with reasonably best-practices CMake". Tomorrow, I can code up a simple interface that just proxies to =unordered_map=, then the day after I can write the internals myself, and so forth.
Hoping to "become a Chad" is a bad goal for our friend from the prior example. He can't /hope/ his way into becoming more confident "ladies' man", but he can sign up for an intro class on the weekend for a hobby he always wanted to learn (on the road to building a better more fulfilling life that will bring him into contact with great people, both men and women; "becoming a Chad" is a bad / naive goal of many boys who fail to grow up).
If anyone struggles with this, I highly recommend How We Change [0]. After spending a decade fighting anxiety and depression based on material from everything from Tim Ferriss to Jordan Peterson (neither of which were very helpful, but that's another comment...), this book finally helped me break free. It's not any overnight panacea, but I'm enjoying steady improvements in mental health that I wish I had had the knowledge to make long ago.
[0] https://www.harpercollins.com/9780062961112/how-we-change/
> So far this has been mostly drivel.
Yep, and the other 15% is not that different. The other day a person here showed a site he created where he aggregates all the "good" articles that dont get any traction here ( https://bengtan.com/interesting-things/) . The existence of that site combined with the multiple first-page appearance of articles like this one or even ones of lesser quality is a proof that we , the readership of this site, are not that as smart or as sophisticated as we would like it to be.
That said, there's a lot of low effort curated content as well, think buzzfeed and the like.