My gpa was only acceptable at my state school too - never heard of anyone getting into a good grad school with a 3.9something in CS out of my institution.
If your GPA was only acceptable then why are you blaming elitism for what you characterize as failures? Is that not a direct result of your own failure to study and succeed? (I'll also add that everyone I know who got into a good grad school aggressively pursued research and had multiple publications in top conferences by the time they applied; the standards are high and I wouldn't consider a 3.9 without research sufficient).
I mean it is happening at Google - look up how much Liz Fong Jones made as an ex-Caltech, ex-MIT engineer. Definitely happens to the MIT to Jane Street crowd and also happens to the people that can get offers at the IPOing startups I can’t even get interviews at. Not like I have the intellect to pass those interviews even if I got them though (I blame my parents for that).
> If your GPA was only acceptable then why are you blaming elitism for what you characterize as failures?
I definitely blame myself too, it’s why I have the dark thoughts whenever I cross a bridge. I should have done research in high school and I should have gotten at least two first author papers to a top conference in undergrad - instead I got 2 2nd author papers to medium tier conferences because I could never come up with any compelling research ideas. All of my work is ultimately meaningless because it just wasn’t enough - it’s extremely depressing.
I'm sorry you feel that way about your past. You should consider seeing a counselor. I've found that a growth mindset is important to ensuring you keep succeeding because there's nobody you can just copy once you've made it this far. Failures shouldn't be depressing but motivating instead. All this "I should have" thought should be "Now I know I should" instead. In your case, "I should have aimed higher" -> "I will aim higher now that I know". I can definitely empathize with you - I played video games all day in high school and only got into CS because of playing video games 5 hours a day and wanting to work with them. I screwed around freshman and sophomore year and destroyed my GPA. I came back and grinded and brought it back up the rest of my years.
Good luck. I'm sure you're more brilliant than you think if you made it to Amazon. If you ever need motivation go read the Reddit threads on people saying how hard it is to make it to Amazon.
That's...interesting, because it's certainly not the way the LinkedIn pages of most folks at Hudson River Trading, 2Sigma, Stripe or Citadel would imply (I did get into Citadel, but for a 2nd tier role). Of course, it would make sense for Netflix, which has a more Amazon-like hiring strategy.
> I've found that a growth mindset is important to ensuring you keep succeeding because there's nobody you can just copy once you've made it this far. Failures shouldn't be depressing but motivating instead.
I've had a lot of people say that, but after being beaten down and called stupid for 25 years it has worn on me.
I think you're: 1. way too hard on yourself. If you broaden your scope just a bit, you'll see that Amazon is an elite engineering organization. 2. buying way too much into phony credentialism. I don't make a big deal out of it, but personally I consider being able to hold my own engineering-wise while having gone to a state school as a badge of honor. 3. giving way too much headspace to comparing yourself with others in envy. There's always someone better, smarter, etc. I find them around me all the time. I choose to see them as mentors and role models, rather than rivals or competitors.
> I should have done research in high school and I should have gotten at least two first author papers to a top conference in undergrad - instead I got 2 2nd author papers to medium tier conferences because I could never come up with any compelling research ideas. All of my work is ultimately meaningless because it just wasn’t enough - it’s extremely depressing.
I don't think you're ever going to be satisfied if this is your definition of success. You should try to find meaning in the work itself, not in the recognition or status that comes from it.
Good luck!
You must have been beaten down by your parents over the last several decades and it has rubbed into you. I get it. Back in the 70s when I grew up, it was worse because they could legit beat me with a belt if they wanted and it was socially acceptable.
You need to understand that you are doing great. You have a job at Amazon that will help you get jobs for the rest of your career. The Amazon name pops on a resume. Stop worrying about others that got into Google or Facebook or Jane Street. All you are doing is reinforcing a circle of self hate. Fuck it.
I failed getting into Google 5 times. I failed getting into Facebook 3 times. I flunked at Amazon twice. Fuck, I haven’t gotten into any FAANG at all. That doesn’t measure your self worth. Who the fuck cares. I think you are probably jealous at all those that got in but stop thinking about it. You can forge your own path and be extremely successful without ever working at a FAANG. I worked at Uber but besides that it was all two-bit startups and shitty companies. and I did okay but you will probably make more from Amazon than I ever did at Uber. But I really made the most money in real estate. I’m semi-retired at this point because of that.
There’s nothing more important in life than being happy. Stop worrying about money. Worry about being happy. Go spend money on shit that makes you happy every now and then. Take vacations. Get a girlfriend and go traveling. Stop worrying about money and worry about proficiency. If you are programming because you think it will bring you money and not because you love it, then your life will be miserable.
Let go of the trauma that your upbringing brought you. It’s toxic and you are suffering for it. I get it. My parents wanted me to be a doctor and when push came to shove I told them no. They were furious for years but I never felt so free in my life. I stopped caring about them and what they said and just moved on.
You’re still young. Don’t waste your life stewing over others that got into better schools or better companies. Take what you have now and leverage it as you move up the ladder. Make smart decisions for your career based on what interests you, not just because of FANG or money. If you are happy and are progressing, money will coke and it will be on your own terms, not your parents and not from killing yourself while working at Jane Street like a slave.
This is curious. What kind of company do you work for? Like a startup, big established company, small company, etc.
I'm also curious about how many YOE you have.
I dropped getting a full degree, instead deciding to go back to the industry and working (I'd spent 3 years in the industry working before I went to Uni, and having money again sounded like an excellent idea).
Now, that was me working myself up, as it were, through a variety of jobs (more on the "run things" than "write things" side, but theres a lot of "write things" involved in running things in a scalable fashion), with a few actual dev jobs along the line.
Would I be able to get my CV in front of someone at Stripe? Honestly, don't know. If all they look at is schools, I suspect my chances are vastly lower than yours. If they look at previous job history? Probably, yes.
At this point, it seems to me that the main blocker for you is depression, it MAY be worth consulting a professional about that.