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> If a young main in his 20s is dissatisfied with the dating culture and prospects, it makes some sense to just forget about dating until early 30s and instead use all of that time and freedom to focus on establishing yourself.

This needs to be hugely caveated. If you skip dating for five to ten years, you're gonna jump back in fresh and probably fuck things up terribly the first few times. Too eager, too indifferent, too clingy, too distant, etc... you're gonna be terribly out of practice at it all.

It's a skill, like anything else it takes practice. There's altogether too much BS out there about people being "meant to be" versus people putting in the work on both sides to create something real.

"Too eager, too indifferent, too clingy, too distant, etc... you're gonna be terribly out of practice at it all."

These are generally personality traits of someone who is not well adjusted. If you are the type of person who can become professionally and personally (think friendships and any other non-sexual relationship) successful, then you'll probably be fine jumping back into the dating pool even if you've only dabbled casually for a pretty long period of time.

How you're perceived isn't always going to be the same as how you are, and people make judgements quickly. Actions only come naturally through repeated practice, barring a naturally lucky few, and dating requires a whole different set of actions than in other relationships.

You might also quite reasonably be confident in your professional and personal-friend lives, but be lacking some of that confidence in dating, since you haven't done it for years. These aren't transferable domains for a lot of people.

I was on dating sites and apps for several years before I started having any luck finding much, much less something serious, and every moment of it was valuable practice in an area that didn't come naturally to me at all. My career situation also improved throughout those years, sometimes faster than my dating skills, and I quickly learned that having a nicer car did me 0 favors while I was still uncomfortable on a date in the first place. None of that professional practice applied - was I going to talk about load balancers and HA strategies on the date?

I don't disagree and I think I should have clarified that if you're the type of young man who has trouble dating (in the sense that you find yourself to be awkward, or have mostly bad dates), and can't seem to connect with women, then do NOT do what I have suggested here. Get out there and take a lot of swings.

I appreciate your comments.

I've had a long string of failures after starting dating (Post covid vaccine) and just felt so incapable of being next to another person.

It's like all this time quarantined as put my dating skills back to zero (not that they were ever good). I feel so broken, like shards of glass that cuts anyone who tries to touch me.

But you have inspired to to once again glue all my broken shards together and try and try again.

Thank you.

> It's a skill, like anything else it takes practice.

That’s why you should never stop dating, even after you’ve met someone. You never know when you’ll break up and have to find someone else. Best to stay sharp.

> forget about dating until early 30s

I don't know... I'm not sure most women would be comfortable dating a man in his early 30's who'd never had a relationship of any kind...

As a happily married man in his late 20s, I really stress not doing this. You skip an entire small lifetime of not finding someone and growing up through your young adulthood, waiting for things to improve for you as a man (read: for women to finally come around because of divorce, settling, or their biological clock ticking) and I'd argue things at that point would be more difficult.

Because you then have established so much of who you are independent of the interactions between yourself and a who-would-be spouse, there's a greater chance that you'll have even more to disagree over.

You're only creating more difficulties for yourself. Beyond the intricacies of a crystallized person, there's a smaller dating pool, it's more difficult to get pregnant, you have a greater difficulty acquiring assets not having another person you're working together through life with.

Yes, those women in their 20s will want to date you, but if you're in your 30s, you're effectively dating a kid. They absolutely do not have the same experiences you will have at that point in time unless you did no personal growth for a decade.

I agree with you that this route probably isn't best for _most_ men, which is why I said that it makes "some" sense, but I should have clarified that it's not broadly advisable (even by someone like myself who took this route). If you aren't very comfortable with who you are by yourself, and happy with yourself, and also very focused and determined to do something quite ambitious professionally, then yes I think finding a partner to grow with and lean on is the best route.

And also as I mentioned below but just to make sure it's clear: if you aren't comfortable dating, then you should date as often as you can because it can be genuinely fun and fulfilling and lead to very positive outcomes. If you _are_ comfortable dating and do well with the opposite sex of your preference, but just aren't satisfied with what's out there or it feels forced and unenjoyable, then you _might_ benefit from focusing more on developing yourself rather than focusing on the partner search. It's a cliche but once you're truly in a good place with yourself, you tend to attract to the right people into your life.

> you have a greater difficulty acquiring assets not having another person you're working together through life with.

Temporarily. Then you divorce and lose all of those assets. It’s not a gamble I would recommend based on expected financial gains for sure.

One alternative is that they just become jaded by their failures by the time they're in their 30s. At that point it would be fairly trivial for them to give up on all of it.

Bingo. The dating world seems ridiculous until you understand what hypergamy is and why it exists.

If a young man is dissatisfied with the dating culture and prospects he should pickup and learn an instrument, find some other musicians and invites peoples to watch them practice/jam.

P.s. I've learn just enough bass to meet my wife !

Another caveat: they still might not want to date you. Making real human connections is just significantly more difficult for some people than it is for others, but on the plus side you are much more the person you want to be, so you can feel good about that anyway.

Nothing is perfect 100% of the time and it can take a few tries to sort out what you need or want in a relationship, along with what you are or aren't willing to tolerate.

> instead use all of that time and freedom to focus on establishing yourself. If you can focus and put in the work to become the type of person you want to be...

I go out socialising/partying less now, and am on the PC more (games, projects, etc - most of my interests are on PC). Your advice creates the people in the article!