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Comment by emptysongglass | Hacker News Reader

I feel bad for the guy who got ostracized by you and your entire friend group because he occasionally did speed and admitted to it. I understand your situation but I also think at some point you need to be able to stand on your own two feet without taking such drastic measures. Strength is both being able to walk away and then to say no in the face of temptation.

I say this as someone who abused drugs when I was younger and came from an extremely abusive family environment.

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I think people need to do what they need to do to survive, and if that means not being friends with someone, that other person will have to get by with other friends.

That’s a great point of view and in retrospect, so do I. It wasn’t a great thing to do and I’d probably had a more humane way of eliminating a friend. I just did what I could at the time.

I understand perfectly well why you did what you did, as others here point out you have to take care of yourself before you can help others.

And thanks for sharing and giving some great answers.

I don't feel bad for the guy. The last thing a recovering addict needs is a source for drugs and that's what he is.

Addicts can't just stop and never do drugs again like a normal person. If it's there, they'll take it. It's not about strength and being able to walk away. It never goes away for an addict and the best they can do is avoid situations where drugs will be presented. Isolation from users is the best course of action.

Also, many people abuse drugs and even become addicted, but are not addicts. An addict is wired differently.

Cutting out toxic influences is generally a good thing for most people. In OP's case, temptation of drug use and the risk of backsliding was too much, so yes, important and excellent that they cut out that person.

I think the main criticism in GP was that the friend's group also cut ties, not just the person being put "at risk" by such a friendship. Also, "toxic influence" makes it seem like the friend was, by themself, toxic, while it looks rather than this was a "dangerous relation" (big difference imo).

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