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Comment by newbie789 | Hacker News Reader

I found myself in a very accepting friend group of people that didn’t use drugs and (for my situation this was key) didn’t know where to get them.

Aside from that, there was no shaming and very little drama. Essentially, my previous situation was that I was surrounded by extremely abusive family and dangerously messed up friends. I more or less made friends with “normal” people, got away from a really bad situation and it all just sort of… worked out.

There’s absolutely no secret sauce or trick in my getting clean. I can’t count the number of my old friends that tried stuff like I did and it didn’t work out.

It was literally just luck.

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How long did it take for the change in environment to make a long term difference to stop using drugs? A month? A year?

I don’t know exactly because I managed 0 possible access for a long time, so temptation was low.

About a year after I quit, I made a new friend. He was a nice guy, seemed normal, but one day he casually mentioned that he occasionally used stimulants including amphetamines. I cut off all contact with him immediately (as did all of my close friends. It’s a good example of support in this case.)

I guess I was able to recognize and decisively take action to avoid temptation about a year in. This was likely also luck. I was in a pretty good place with my life in general, had that occurred six months earlier or six months later it could have had a different outcome.

So the answer is either a day or a year or never. It’s been ten years and I’ve only known where to get meth for about one day of it. I still get cravings to this day, I’m just no longer in the habit of indulging them.

I feel bad for the guy who got ostracized by you and your entire friend group because he occasionally did speed and admitted to it. I understand your situation but I also think at some point you need to be able to stand on your own two feet without taking such drastic measures. Strength is both being able to walk away and then to say no in the face of temptation.

I say this as someone who abused drugs when I was younger and came from an extremely abusive family environment.

I think people need to do what they need to do to survive, and if that means not being friends with someone, that other person will have to get by with other friends.

That’s a great point of view and in retrospect, so do I. It wasn’t a great thing to do and I’d probably had a more humane way of eliminating a friend. I just did what I could at the time.

I understand perfectly well why you did what you did, as others here point out you have to take care of yourself before you can help others.

And thanks for sharing and giving some great answers.

Cutting out toxic influences is generally a good thing for most people. In OP's case, temptation of drug use and the risk of backsliding was too much, so yes, important and excellent that they cut out that person.

I think the main criticism in GP was that the friend's group also cut ties, not just the person being put "at risk" by such a friendship. Also, "toxic influence" makes it seem like the friend was, by themself, toxic, while it looks rather than this was a "dangerous relation" (big difference imo).

I don't feel bad for the guy. The last thing a recovering addict needs is a source for drugs and that's what he is.

Addicts can't just stop and never do drugs again like a normal person. If it's there, they'll take it. It's not about strength and being able to walk away. It never goes away for an addict and the best they can do is avoid situations where drugs will be presented. Isolation from users is the best course of action.

Also, many people abuse drugs and even become addicted, but are not addicts. An addict is wired differently.

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