I can't answer for Silicon Valley, but outside of it:
> * "Senior contractors and developers often have six to eight-page resumes"
It depends on how many jobs you've had. If you worked 6 years at one company, I don't need to see 4 pages of text on that one job. The point is that you list out your engagements with enough detail to have a conversation, not hitting a certain length.
> * "The first thing to remember is that almost none of the eyes that see your resume will be human." and "...humans aren't the one reading it."
This is both true and false. I definitely read resumes, and make decisions partially based on it, but machines will also be scanning it. So, write for both. Use clear, grammatically correct English with plenty of searchable keywords.
One idea is to write a paragraph in English about each job (or a list of bullet points), followed by a list of technologies used. I've used this myself when looking for a job and got compliments from the tech lead on my resume format (they then hired me).
* "Only graphic designers need to worry about how their resume looks"
True.
* "A good fallback email address is Gmail, but the truth is that any software developer who doesn't use name@fullname.com... is starting with a black mark."
Eh? Interesting, but doubtful.
* "Do not include months when you add dates for jobs."
Include months, but not days.