Visual Studio is by far the best C++ IDE, even more when you use some plugins like Visual Assist and ViEmu (that last one depends on one's fondness for vi, of course ;) )
I don't think it's practically feasible for an average programmer to learn the whole language (or even the part that is necessary to know to do 'modern' C++ programming) in their spare time, with no or little prior understanding of lower level programming (memory layout, compilation steps, ...). It has many features and most are very intricate, and it's very easy to get stuck for several evenings on something that experienced C++ users wouldn't even recognize as a stumbling block. 'Modern' C++ is full of template use, very hard to read libraries so it's hard to learn from them, and the quality of information online varies widely. I agree with the above poster that it would take 2 years of full time using C++ to consider one self an 'experienced' C++ programmer.
That said, I still think the Stroustrup is the first book anyone learning C++ should read, although that's not a popular opinion (actually I think one should start with the K&R but I consider C prerequisite knowledge). Then Koenig & Moo, Alexandrescu, then the Meyers & Lippman series. While reading these one should do the exercises and parallel with that implement a real project.
The above plan is completely unrealistic though, so i guess learning C++ like everybody else (being thrown into a project and sink or swim) is the more realistic route :)