What you're describing are more like team building. Enforced lunches or dinners with coworkers are not just about directly rewarding you with free food, but also enforcing some informal time with team members that you might not choose to spend time with outside of work (or even those you might but maybe wouldn't normally make time for). In many cases it's not even disguised that this is the goal. Although I might not always be a fan of spending time with some of those people, I see the benefit to the business and even myself and it's quite orthogonal from compensation.
Regarding optional programs, sure these exist - unfortunately you are unable to get a cash equivalent if you don't want to use it.
This is just wrong. Team building has a place like anything else and reasonable people can disagree about how much is too much.
Normally I travel a lot so nights and at least parts of weekends away are pretty routine for me. But companies should attempt to minimize it to the degree possible.
No, and there are many companies that serve as counterexamples. Companies can offer both high compensation and small office perks, food and other gimmicks.
It is actually possible to have a well paying job, at a company that also try to care about your well-being.