Ask HN: What is your strategy for not being manipulated/pushover at workplace? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: What is your strategy for not being manipulated/pushover at workplace?

13 pointsElectricMind25 comments

Look I want to go to work code, do shit assigned to me, get paid in return. That's it. I know "48 laws of power" but I don't have time for office politics and manipulating people or kiss someone ass or competition to nailed a new college student that boss hired. I do not want to play dirty or play any office game. I want to put in my best effort then I am done.

However, I am no pushover either. I am all for tit for tat. I don't manipulate you but you don't manipulate me or take advantage of me. I am fair by default as long as I am treated fairly. This is the general gist of my approach to the workplace. Not sure this is best. If you are anything like me..

Do you have any experience in this matter of manipulation at the workplace? What did you learn hard way? What is your defense system now?

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The hardest thing about finding a great job is finding a great boss. A great boss is someone who respects your work, your boundaries, and who understands your strengths and weaknesses. A great boss/manager will do their very best to prevent the politics and bureaucracy and let you focus on what you want to do, which is great work. I don't have any advice on how to find a great boss/manager, but they are unfortunately hard to come by in my experience.

I agree with you on this one. Great boss- I think most problems never even bother you. But if leadership itself is 'saving his/her skin' , I think it is time to find new job :)

80% of people quit their job because of their boss. So yep I agree with you. It is the #1 thing to look out for.

Its dangerous to be alone. Predators can sense the abandoned, lonely or just plain isolated. Strengthen social connections every chance you get. Both inside and outside every sphere not just work or home. Its like learning to fight and then never needing to. Predators can still detect you can fight usually without any effort from you. This makes you less of a pushover in general. Its a mindset.

Nip issues in the bud. Otherwise they just grow. Often they multiply. Escalate to authority figures where they exist.

As long as there are 2+ people involved, it doesn't seem possible to stay away from some kind of politics.

How you deal with problems depends on how bad it is. If it's really bad, you'll probably have no choice but leave. With the caveat that there is no ideal place out there, you can always try starting your own.

Otherwise, the best strategy I think is to let your skills speak for themselves, get things done and be so good (or good enough) that they can't ignore you. They don't have to you like you but they should respect you for getting things done and being invaluable.

And then there is always the option of talking to your manager or HR if the problem is serious enough. HR isn't necessarily your friend but it's in their best interest to keep good people to protect the company so they should be able to help in case of serious faul play.

If someone is deceptive, don't believe them next time. Someone who lies for you will also lie to you.

Be generous to everyone except the manipulative. It's a little "manipulative" because the generous ones will give you more than you gave them. But it also identifies the impostors.

Manipulative people are often lazy, so make it painful for them.

Put up a fight if you're in a bad spot. Treat it as a war, with an actual battle plan and allocate resources to win. End it quick.

Don't hold grudges. You can become friends with former enemies. But bear in mind that a dishonest person will stay dishonest, even if you marry them.

If the situation is too bad, change your environment. Plenty of companies, especially in tech, who are happy to treat you well and want to see you happy.

Read or audible How to win friends and influence people by Carnegie. That’s it. Just get along with folks. Consider this reinforcing loop: The stronger relationships you build the less attempts there will be to push you over, and with more relationships you will have more support in the event that it occurs, which in turn fuels your confidence in all matters when you may be alone at time of the event.

Context: my career went dev (not long) to consulting to product (most time) to executive management (current).

Doesn't this book offer advice like smiling at everyone all the time and saying their name?

I frequently cringe when I see this playing out with people I meet. It makes me so uncomfortable that they're following a ruleset when communicating with people.

These are not rules. These are instincts and bio-social mechanisms. Thanks to them we survived and evolve.

One should have respect for them.

Simply: no.

Okay, a guy from internet knows better than hundreds of authors :)

Don't make me invoke Godwin's law :)

But what exactly “no”?

No, we there’s no mechanisms behind reciprocal smiles for instance?

Or no, they don’t play role in our survival?

Or no, we shouldn’t respect them?

Not in that context.

Anything must be done with authenticity. The book is really clear and even addresses that you simply can’t do it all the time. It illustrates the need to take the time to build relationships and, critically, listen. Don’t fake it.

Avoid any “SparkNotes” version of this book. It deserves a full read/listen. Although it’s decades old it is pragmatic and touches on topics like social proof and network effects before they were mainstream.

I have evaluated the book and don't think it deserves a full read or listen.

Can you share your evaluation that drove your decision to not fully read the book? I’m genuinely interested. Maybe it is my own personal flaw, but I’ve often pushed through enjoyable books to reach the end, which probably isn’t the best use of my time.

I am also interested in your evaluation. Why does it not deserve a full read?

> I want to put in my best effort then I am done.

Your best effort at what? A few years ago if I had said that I would mean I want to do my best at imposing my idea of good code and products on the company. I've recently given up the fight and now give "my best effort" towards being pleasant to work with, helping others, kissing ass, doing bullshit, and almost never working overtime and standing up for myself when it's time to go home. I'm happier now.

And what I used to consider kissing ass or doing bullshit I now consider to be selling myself to the people who pay me and just doing the work they pay me to do.

I do still push for changes I think would be good, but much less aggressively.

I have a fat emergency fund and live below my means. This gives me the confidence to be sure I can find another job if required.

Live below your means and make sure you always have enough savings to be able to find a better job. It gives you the power to stand up for yourself if necessary

My defence is to work at a small place. That its self is not a magic bullet. It had to be around for a long time. Also, I was invited in (an old coworker got me an interview) So it's not like I ran through a bunch of businesses to eliminate to the best.

I feel pretty similar.

I have no advice for you. I'm 9 years in with a masters and I'm only a midlevel developer with no future.

What do you actually want in your future? Mid-level developer sounds good to me!

I literally said that to a department head once. My job was in jeopardy the next day, even though the policy says that it should be ok that some people never go higher.

More money would be nice. $100k for Philly region COL would be nice.

That sucks! I wish I had maintained that position for longer in my career.

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