Just bought it and moved on. I'm happy that she's happy. I couldn't care less.
Life is expensive, and between cars, house, the actual wedding, kids, etc. The money I spent on my wives engagement ring seems like child's play.
Also I feel like most women want it, because it's what everyone asks of them. 100% it's societal pressure. If you tell someone you got engaged, question #1 will be "Ohh let me see the ring!"
To me it feels more like a classic case of mimetism: all beautiful / successful / happy / rich people have a diamond ring, so most women naturally want one too. It's not really about fear, but more about a strong desire to have the same object as your role models.
I think there is an unofficial "pecking order" of society. People treat you differently if you roll up in a new Mercedes vs a new Honda. If your purse is a Louis Vuitton or a Walmart brand. They all functionally do the same thing, but society uses these things to lump people into camps.
In that same regard, I've seen women who are not materialistic seem embarrassed to show off their modest ring which is wrong. I think a lot of people treat engagement rings in the same way as designer bags, and nice cars.
We can say it doesn't matter, but if society ranks you differently I think it does matter on some level.
I wonder if your literal children would feel like that if you'd taken the same money for a ring that will (presuming you proceed with marriage) pretty much never get worn, and invested it in an index fund until their 21st birthday.
"child's play" indeed is what I would call this level of financial misplanning.
I don't know what culture you're from. But in North America engagement rings are worn as every day jewellery. So it gets used daily.
>I wonder if your literal children would feel like that if you'd taken the same money for a ring that will (presuming you proceed with marriage) pretty much never get worn, and invested it in an index fund until their 21st birthday.
I guess you're presuming that because I spent money on one thing... I'm unable to spend money on another thing? Do you apply the same logic to everything in your life? "I really should have gone with the cheapest clothing available as then I could have saved $x towards my children's future!"
Regardless my children do in fact have investment accounts opened in their names and invested in index funds, and I don't regret buying my wife a nice engagement ring, our our Audi, or our house, etc etc. I hope if you get married you don't put every expense through the view point of "If I invested this for 21 years!" as you'd never take a day of vacation, or enjoy yourself. :)
(He's giving it all to charity, though.)
"How dare you spend what at the end of the day is a trivial amount of money on something that your significant other appreciates and enjoys. You should be eating soylent green and living in a 400 square foot home!"
If I were struggling to get by, it would be a fair discussion. However the audience on HN I presume to be middle class, if not upper middle class it seems like an odd argument to make.
After the wedding?
Edit: As a random google you can get items like this which combine the wedding band with the engagement ring: https://www.kay.com/diamond-bridal-set-18-ct-tw-roundcut-10k...