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Comment by candiddevmike | Hacker News Reader

I've also struggled making new (local) friends with kids, especially working from home for a non-local company. This is one of the main reasons I go work at coffee shops--the slim chance I run into someone in the same situation as me. It seems my wife can easily find a ton of mom's groups or women's clubs, for men, not so much.

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My wife and the other moms in her mom group keep saying that they want the husbands to get together and do something. They just don't understand. We have nothing in common, and the shared experience of having kids is not even close to enough.

I hear this too. But I think that making friends is about diversifing your interests and theirs as well. Humans in frequent contact with each other tends to move towards alignment.

yeah but you have to have something. A liberal computer nerd and a firefighter steeped in macho culture are just not gonna work.

Do they both like tri-tip and beer? Boom. Bbq time.

Tri-tip and beer? If you have any friend-slots open I'd like to apply. :)

For me it's been the opposite. Being stuck in a suburb with small children, I've connected properly with more people than ever before in adult life. I wasn't actively searching or joining any groups, I just headed out with the stroller a couple of times per day during six (first child) plus ten (second child) months.

I think most people find it simultaneously wonderful and extremely boring to be at home with kids for extended periods, so quite a few seize any chance of having a conversation with another adult. The playgrounds are full of bored parents, and everyone has one or more tiny, human conversation starters.

Kindergarten is pretty good as well for meeting people. When a three year old is invited to birthday party, they kind of have to have a parent along for the event.

Somewhat specific to my locality (Sweden), there is 15 hours per week of free kindergarten for kids with stay-at-home parents. In my city there are specific drop-off and pickup times for those children, which means that six times per week you meet relaxed and slightly bored other parents, who have kids in the same group as you. This essentially always means that you hang around the yard for a bit and socialize.

Socialize yes. But so far it's only been because of the kids and because it's awkward to just stand around and not talk to each other. Never found anyone I'd really wanna hang out with. YMMV obviously.

It's hard to jump straight to friend-level, without first socializing and making acquaintances.

A bit late to reply... But, the magic of it for me has been that several of these repeated superficial contacts have turned into friendships.

Three new friends in two years, six if one counts spouses. That is the same amount that I made in the preceeding ten years!

I've done this, but at the dog park. Not sure it works as well though—I hardly know anyone's name, just their dog's name.

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