On telling my son that he is a geek
marshallbrain.com
marshallbrain.com
it sure must be helpful for a 11 year old to be talked into viewing the world as a dangerous place full of evil people, fearing life will be a bigger hell for every year to come until he's done with school. all because his own father feels he needs to explain to his son he is too awkward to for this world, and he's only really safe at home. and all this to "hopefully prevent himself from committing suicide".
a boy get's picked last at team-games, do you tell him the rest of his life will be a hell - and give him the impression he's powerless against it? or do you tell him that people will forget he was picked last as soon as 5 seconds later: so he should just forget about it too, enjoy the game and try to improve his skills in the game.
i guess it's normal for parents to feel they have to warn their children for the dangers of the world, but it's not the same teaching them to fear the future. it would be far more useful to concentrate on teaching some confidence and useful social skills.
I grew up an unabashed geek in the midwest, and felt no more social isolation than anyone else in my peer group at school.
Some of this was because I played sports (not well, but this was a relatively small school so I wasn't going to get cut). Most of it, came down to two factors:
1) I didn't react to taunting, teasing, name-calling, or even the occasional bits of violence. I only really had to deal with this in 8th and 9th grade, but those who would do such things figured out after a while that I wasn't going to give them any satisfaction.
2) My peers respected people who were good at things. I was good at things (our academic bowl team won nationals, for example, and I had several short stories published). In fact, I'd go so far as to say most people respect people who are good at things, especially if that "good at things" is immediate and visible and public.
Frankly, if schools/teachers adopted a broader view of "success", and if they provided a chance for students to showcase their successes in a public fashion (I'm talking actual successes here, rather than "Congratulations! You're made of carbon, and that makes you special!" psuedo-successes designed to prop up self-esteem), a lot of the bullying would probably stop.
If there's anything the PUA community shows[0], it's that social skills can be learned. It's also easy to get to a medium level of fitness, especially in our culture of sloth.
Sure, he's 11, so maybe it's not that easy, but what's really going to hold him back isn't his "geekiness," it will be his mental habit of shying away from growth opportunities due to fear and "oh I just can't help it!"
[0] not an endorsement of that community, btw, except for Neil Strauss's The Game, which is a fun read
A zero-tolerance approach to bullying has about as much chance of working as the War on Drugs. Headteachers and schools always deny serious bullying where it exists.
And minor bullying is indistinguishable from 'socialization', which nearly everyone thinks is a good thing.
I don't mean this to disparage teachers as a whole. But the power rush is pretty substantial, if one lets it take hold.
The school system is so retarded so that there must be a valedictorian, the one who is most likely too succeed. I'm wondering how teachers behave towards those kids, so that the rest of the class hates them perhaps? You don't see that in the high school movies..