Hacker News Reader

Comment by shanecleveland | Hacker News Reader

• That thing that made you weird as a kid could make you great as an adult — if you don’t lose it.

I wish I could have grasped this as a kid, and I wish I could explain this to my kids now and have them understand/believe me.

My kids each have their own unique personalities, strengths, weaknesses, etc. But they all have to funnel through the same general requirements of school and such. It is too easy to fall into the trap of getting them to "conform." But I want to be able to nurture the "weird" in them!

View on HN

I was the slowest runner in first grade--even the fat kid outran me in the 50 yard dash. Was I weird!

Today? I'm 70, and I run. Yesterday I ran about 8 miles on trails. Because while I can't run fast, I can run far. Didn't find that out until like 8th grade--all the runs until then were short distances.

So I can run distances, but I'd probably still come in last at the 50 yard dash. Maybe I'm still weird, but I like it.

10 years younger than you, can't run at all. Mad props, you beast.

Wow. What an inspiration!

You raise a great example, as well. No one should be solely defined by their ability or inability to perform a single variation of a task or lesson.

I found Bezos' last letter inspiring in this regard. Especially one of the last sections titled "Differentiation is Survival and the Universe Wants You to be Typical".

link here -> https://www.cnbc.com/2021/04/15/jeff-bezos-releases-final-le...

I like the analogy he makes here.

There is a balance in here somewhere to learn how to navigate, adapt and live within a society/community that favors set standards and "normality" without muting out uniqueness, personal interests, etc.

>Differentiation is Survival and the Universe Wants You to be Typical

"Oh, and while you differentiate, those of you on my warehouses don't forget to work 10 hour shifts and pee in bottles, so that I can get a few dollars more per hour from each disposable you while I offer my grand-man wisdom"

That's a tough one for me. I seem to be stuck on an axis of either being nerdy, anti-social, physically unfit and intelligent or outgoing, stupid, and physically fit. I've varied along the axis throughout my life and never managed to be a good nerd while also being mentally and physically healthy. I've seen a lot of other people do it, it's just not something I've been able to pull off.

I work with a lot of people who remind me of my former self and I'm afraid to encourage them to find balance in their lives because I don't want them to lose their genius like I feel I did. It's tough when you grow up a nerd and find most of your self-worth and security in your intellectual superiority and then lose it because you thought the grass was greener on the other side.

I think the real revelation comes in understanding that the grass will always appear greener on the other side, regardless of which side you find yourself on. That is a hard thing to understand without having gone through that.

Edit, such this additional advice:

• If you can avoid seeking approval of others, your power is limitless.

As they say, don't try to think outside the box. There is no box.

Or, in this case, no axis. You can move anywhere in this space.

This is so bizarre. What is the relation of daily exercise to personality traits?

I get the mentally healthy part, but exercising is like brushing your teeth imo.

IDK, if you ask me it's testosterone. When it's low, I can sit in a chair for 12 hours a day writing code. When it's high, I want to socialize, travel, and low-level tasks make me angry. I want to think big and strategically.

Sounds a lot more like high/low dopamine to me. Idk how you're getting test levels though.

Might be but isn't that correlated? I only ever tested my testosterone levels when I was older and fit, and they were in the normal range.

This reminded me of an Oatmeal comic [1] about how "being weird" requires you to cultivate an interesting personality.

[1]: https://theoatmeal.com/pl/senior_year/pe

What would you have done differently? Did you try to fit in? Did it make a difference in the long run?

My personal take is don't try to fit in but, equally, don't try to stand out. I've never liked sports, for example, and I've never pretended to. But I've also never gone out of my way to advertise my dislike for sports or made fun of anyone who does.

Well, that's hard to say. In order to have, say, made different choices as an adolescent, I would have had to have the insight I have now.

Did I try to fit in, and do I still spend too much effort on worrying about others' perception of me? Yes!

I think it is OK to look to "fit in," but don't do it at the expense of what makes you unique. That is what resonated with me about this particular bit of advice.

I have seen in myself where I left some things on the table to have certain kinds of friends or to be seen (or avoid being seen) in a certain light. And I see where these conditions I have manufactured for myself don't have the staying power and are not as fulfilling as more natural relationships and experiences.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com