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Comment by dorkwood | Hacker News Reader

I used to be someone who would talk to strangers everywhere I went. As a teenager who frequently took a train between cities, I found it interesting to talk to non-teenagers and hear their stories. They always seemed delighted to be talking to a younger person, too. Then one day, an older person I was sitting next to groped me while I was talking to them. Then the same thing happened to me on a plane. I don't talk to strangers anymore. I find that giving off "don't talk to me" vibes is best for my personal safety.

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Yeah but isn't it sad to shut the whole world off because of a couple of assholes?

I take the approach of being friendly with everyone, and if they prove to be weirdos or assholes, I immediately switch.

Of course it could be considered more risky, and I have been groped myself, but I think it's worth the risk. I find the alternative dehumanizing.

I do this as well. I have a mental cost/benefit sheet in my mind of being open. I have been rather extreme about this in the past, so my costs/benefits are higher as well.

Costs:

- Almost got into a group fight for no reason (the reason was: I was there and anyone there would've been caught up in the fight)

- Got scammed a couple of times

- Random headbutt

- Randomly pushed off a stairs

- Threatened to be beaten into a hospital

- Got groped by random women (random sex workers roaming the streets are the worst -- especially because I can't tell who is a sex worker in another country)

Neutral(ish):

- Got fake robbed 2 times, they could've actually robbed me but they gave it back. (yea, weird, never got actually robbed)

Benefits:

- Friends

- Romance

- A free bus ticket back home (when I lost my old bus ticket)

- Strangers offering to charge my phone (or something similarly small) when I was really fatigued and tired while traveling (and too disorganized)

- Listening to countless and countless of interesting stories

- Rides to safe places when I am completely lost and way in over my head

- Hitched rides when I really needed them

- A lot more really too much to list

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If anything: my concern is always that you're imposing on someone else's time. I try to do this as respectfully as possible, but even if you ask someone a question, you're demanding their attention.

Just out of curiosity, what is your sense of humor like?

What kind of question is that?

What do you mean? The question is fairly easy to read.

It's a question posed out of curiosity, as stated.

Out of curiosity, are you male or female? I've found that a lot of people mistake female friendliness for flirtatious behavior. Not saying it's right, just saying it seems like a common issue.

I'm a male.

After being sexually assaulted by someone I considered a friend, I never really got back to trusting strangers. I am also male.

I'm not dismissing your actions based on what happened, but what does being sexually assaulted by a friend have to do with not trusting strangers?

Not OP, but I imagine it's along the lines of "my brain now evaluates as if even a close friend can do this to me, there's now way I'm taking chances with a stranger".

Trauma sucks.

I'm curious. Say I meet you randomly on the street or in lime somewhere. What are the actions one such as I could take to make you feel comfortable around a stranger? I hate that these things have happened but I want to be aware so that at least I can be the mind of stranger you want in the world.

I am deeply sorry to hear that happened to you. I completely agree that a possibly positive encounter with a stranger is not worth the potential of assault--verbal or otherwise. I sometimes feel limited by this, but it ultimately feels worth it to help avoid some monstrous people.

I wonder if this is a issue with the person or in what part of the world you're in? I've only briefly been in North America (not the US) but otherwise spend my time in South America, East Asia or Europe, and never once have I've been assaulted (verbally or otherwise) from 1000+ encounters where I've talked with strangers.

Which makes me very weird to read some of the responses here. What is the difference and why am I not experiencing the same where I go? I'm not muscular, have a pretty weak stance/look in general so I'm not intimidating enough for people to be scared of me exactly.

Ugh, sorry about that. I've never been one for talking to people (but not for that reason), and it's sad to hear.

That's awful. If that ever happens to anyone reading this, tell a flight attendant and that plane will land immediately and that person will be removed (to say the least).

I seriously doubt that. Have you experienced this yourself?

I have been sat next to a drunk person on a plane before. The attendant got me a new seat and the person was arrested at the airport. At the very least they should be able to move you if there is a free seat.

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