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Comment by tilolebo | Hacker News Reader

I'm very sceptical of the author's advice to use social media like Facebook and Twitter for dating.

Especially Twitter, were women are routinely harrassed by estranged men and will publicly shame them in return.

I don't think it's a good dating strategy at all.

I don't think Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites are good places for randomly asking out anyone due to etiquette. In fact, even offline there seems to be a growing backlash, at least in American society, toward randomly asking out women.

However, what I believe the author meant by using Facebook and Twitter for dating is that if you have already built a community using these sites and if you are active in that community, it may be possible for you to ask out someone else in that community, provided that both of you already know each other and have spent a significant amount of time interacting with each other. I know someone who met his ex-girlfriend via Instagram sometime eight years ago; she saw his Instagram posts and was a regular commenter, and they started exchanging messages.

I think the key for dating, whether it's online or offline, is being part of a community and being valued in it. I agree with the author that the problem with online dating is that the medium for expressing yourself is limited to a profile photo and a profile description; you are reduced to a résumé. When people are reduced to résumés, then whoever has the best-looking résumé ends up getting responses. Not everybody does well under these circumstances. However, if people were able to know a person's desirable traits that cannot be easily captured in an online dating site's profile, then that person's dating chances may improve. Being a part of a community, whether it's offline or online, gives people a chance to see how people in the community behave and what they think.

But, given my limited success in dating, "you don't have to take my word for it" (with apologies to LeVar Burton).

Totally agree with this

From 2006 until 2013 I met and dated nice and interesting girls my age using MySpace, LastFM and tumblr. It was only a couples, but as I am very introverted, this was already a lot to me.

It was all in the context of specific sub communities in context to specific art form, alternatives form of art, etc.

I had absolutely no chance on regular dating websites however.

I've been married for over 10 years so my advice might no longer be relevant, but I think the right approach is to ask people out indirectly to avoid any potential harassment. In other words, rather than asking out somebody, you approach a friend first, and either ask them to ask for you, or ask them if it is ok to ask.

Dating sites - as they are designed - are a game that most men will never win. The best option is to not play it at all or play it by your rules (I remember to read a comment where a fellow HNer assumed to artificially inflate his Instagram followers and getting an huge payoff).

By playing the game, you allow your counterpart to choose instictively/optimally and - digitally and anonymously - reject an huge pool of non-optimal choices. Rejecting in the analog world is difficult and time intensive. This precipitates involuntary/unoptimal choices and the odds of a match for the bottom 80% skyrocket.

Twitter is quite multi faceted. It's a harsh place for accounts in realistic and complete identities, but it goes easier and easier as realism reduces. Looking at people with the balance suitable for "meeting new people" it seem relatively easy to achieve their goals.

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