You forgot a point in your numbered list:
4) You're using it.
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> access information in someone else's computer that you have nothing to do with.
1. "nothing to do with" is an absolute claim. Your line of argumentation has been heavily reliant on absolute statements, refusing to understand nuance.
2. If the user truly had "nothing to do with" some information on some computer, the AGPL places no requirement for them to be provided access to that information.
3. Interacting with a service provided by a software != having "nothing to do with" said software.
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> ... claiming that you have the "freedom" to access information ...
For the last time, that is not how the AGPL works. I strongly urge you to go and actually read it, or even https://writing.kemitchell.com/2021/01/24/Reading-AGPL.html
Now, on to the specific rebuttal: The AGPL does not _force_ a user upon you, the service provider. It does not grant the user any "freedom" to access any information, let alone arbitrary information. It cannot even be used by a user to force themselves on you.
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> That's actually a privacy violation.
By your line of reasoning, you have violated my privacy by way of your writing showing up on my computer. Do you see the absurdity in that?