Ask HN: A lucky failure looking for guidance
I grew up in an immigrant household that did not accept The West. Child abuse/trauma ensued, and I was threatened to pursue a career I didn't want, despite having expressed deep interests in engineering.
I went to grad school, hated it, dropped out at the 11th hour with ~$300k in debt to pursue "startups", wholly unequipped in terms of experience, skills, network, and mental health. A year later, I cofounded a company with someone I'd only recently met. I was admittedly a terrible cofounder – wrecked with fear, avoidant, totally incapable of stepping up to the challenge. I was great at shutting my mouth, going with the flow, and taking orders.
The company grew to a stage where I couldn't keep up, and I was eventually let go. Looking back, I would've given myself the boot if I was in charge. Sometime later, the company had a successful exit and I made out OK. I got lucky.
Now I find myself in my mid-30s, without any real structured experience in building a company & product, few marketable skills that'd only land me a junior position, no network to leverage, poor mental health, and worst of all: dreams of building something meaningful – dreams that I seem incapable of fulfilling.
I'm at wit's end and feeling hopeless. Most attempts to address these issues have been unsuccessful: years of therapists and medication have done little, and despite attempting to embrace some interests, fear and lack of motivation have prevented me from facing challenges and making decisions, etc.
All the while, friends my age and younger seem to be hitting their strides with purpose and energy. It feels like it'll take a decade before I'm in any reasonably healthy state to build something, which really doesn't seem worth it.