My Son, the Organ Donor

That's a moving article. Hard to imagine facing this for my own kid.

>I also learned that the care team doesn’t just wheel the donor away. They send them off with an Honor Walk. The doctors and nurses who worked to keep my son’s organs functioning at optimal levels joined local family, friends, and colleagues, packed shoulder-to-shoulder (pre-COVID) to line the short corridor from the ICU to the surgical suite for the ceremonial transport of my son’s body.

I surprised myself by spontaneously shedding a tear as I read that sentence.

There is a lot of mysticism around our bodies once we pass on - and when that happens we've lost all the ability to bask in the honor of our act or receive the appreciation - but our bodies are also quite worthless to ourselves at that point and can be of an immense value to others.

Organ donation is a very sensitive subject since it can be viewed as losing the coherence of all that remains of someone, but the benefits to others can be extreme. This particular story involved someone getting a heart transplant and, while it was surely a loss that this individual died, after they died they enabled another person who had a limited lease on life to get a lot more time out of something that would have decayed in the ground or be cremated.

I figure the worms will eat me anyway, so why not be an organ donor?

I don't find any comfort in visiting the gravesites of relatives, either. Whatever made them what they were isn't there. My father once told me that a dead body is like a house with nobody home. That's how I feel about it, too.

Why would your family object? Among other reasons it's your body, not theirs, but apart from that by what basis would anyone choose to object to helping others in this way?

Genuinely curious.

> (against my family's wish)

Where I'm from they're gonna ask my family for confirmation regardless. Fortunately for me they're okay with it.

> but what can you possibly say?

Just say, "Thank you." It doesn't need to be long and complex: "I'm sorry for your loss; but, I id like you know that your son's/daughter's heart has given our daughter a second chance. Thank you."

Don't over think it. You'll never get it "perfect."

IIRC I heard they were doing this in the UK, at least I heard something about it on the radio.

I think it's the right default, most people won't mind donating and those who do are generally more motivated to fill out the opt out docs.

I disagree. Instead it should be mandatory to choose. Make it a condition for getting a driver's license or even your ID.

People who are not organ donors should receive organs with lower priority than those who are. That would only be fair - and it would get people to sign up.

Absolutely agreed! Make it whenever people get their driver's license, they must make an opt out form.

Nope, that would be a disaster. While the intent here is good it will lead to the very unfortunate side effects like incentivizing organ trade where a person would be killed under some pretext ( or even without a pretext) just to harvest his organs. I believe this already happens in some parts of the world.

DNRs are very common in America for a reason separate from the rest of the world - elsewhere they tend to be mostly a philosophical choice to minimize your own personal pain and cost on society. In America they primarily exist to shield family members from cost - it isn't uncommon for a funeral to be accompanied by a lot of additional stress because your father was kept alive for five additional days at a cost of 50k/day and suddenly the surviving family is trying to sort out grief, finding a quarter of a million dollars (or potentially sending the entire estate into bankruptcy) and the additional tens of thousands of dollars funerals cost.

Death in America is pretty darn expensive.

Edit: I'd clarify something - in the US (like almost everywhere) debt cannot be inherited alone. An estate can be declared bankrupt when someone dies and then debtors are limited to just taking chunks out of the estate to the best of their ability - but if shared property is held by the deceased then it can cause serious harm to inheritors. My favorite example is a multi-generational house which can force inheritors into debt to keep the roof over their head.

Through inflicting financial pain, the US healthcare system is supposed to motivate consumers to seek out higher value, leading to competition and efficiency. But since medical services are a classic example of "market failure", all that's left is unavoidable pain.

Yeah, it's a complete mess too. It really depends on the situation. For adults, with their own coverage, most medical debts are covered by the deceased's estate until it is insolvent. Family members are not required to pay the debt (unless a spouse in a community property state) though the hospital/insurance companies will absolutely try to get you to pay.

However, some states have laws that require adult children to pay the debts of their parents should they end up in a nursing home or similar.

I am kinda surprised at that part. Why would the family be responsible for his costs beyond what insurance would cover? It is not their debt.

In general, in America, parents are not responsible for adult children's medical bills, even when on shared insurance. Managing != paying for out of her own pocket.

Wait until you hear about our funerary system.

Why do you think the planet has too many humans? And why is a grown adult the best thing to eliminate?

They should put people like you at the bottom of the organ receiver lists ;)