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Comment by watwut | Hacker News Reader

> When somebody says something offensive to a well-adjusted person, do you know what they do? They shrug it off, because words are just that.

Doormats gets bullied. I have seen this dynamic multiple times already and was on receiving end of it multiple times.

Shrugging makes them do it again and again, then others join, and originaln person escalates. And you not just be insulted, but they wont take your ideas seriously, cause they will have you fixed as someone without respect.

You have to stand up for yourself.

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Shrugging off insults doesn't equate to being a doormat.

If you insult your boss, do you expect him to flip out and lash back at you to prove his status within the company? Or does he just laugh it off and then ask his assistant to make a memo to fire you later in the day?

Do you realize that the first boss actually sounds way better then the second one? The first boss in your example is safer to deal with, cause if you overstep you have chance to learn. And he is still not doormat.

The second boss is someone who is to be avoided and also someone who will create shitty culture.

I expect the ideal boss to react to the situation, shut the thing down. I don't expect him to fire everyone involved.

That's not the point. The point is that you can stand up for yourself without throwing a fit, because genuine power doesn't come from how angry you can get.

The second boss did threw fit and did not stoop up for himself. He even needed secretary to do the firing.

Also, he literally runs business based on his emotions. He had power, but also does not seem to me like someone I could respect. He does not seem well adjusted. Also, he did not had power that would be related to his own personality or skills, if someone he cant fire would insult him, he is powerless.

His power against employee is purely from his ability to fire them. And yes, if you have that sort of power, a lot of things are easier, because people end up scared of very real damage you will cause them. Getting angry, if it achieves the same goal is more ethical and does not require disproportionally harming people.

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