> people that seem to base their identity and life around work, and the ones that actually are well rounded people that don't care about which coffee grind size you use on your morning crap of joe.
These don't seem related. I happily base my identity around my work. I don't care about my coworkers personalities or inclinations at all, as long as they're not assholes and they're competent.
Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean by identity? I don't hire people because I want them to be friends.