i.e. You do your thing human and I'll do mine. See you later if I think you're nice and there's nothing better to do.
If they meow at you or otherwise try to get your attention, they are trying to communicate something. I used to think they were just being cats doing random useless things like sniffing, pawing or meowing, but nearly every single time there was some scent I needed to deal with, a desire to poop/eat/move or something real that they were trying to communicate. If you consistently ignore their attempts at communication, they will stop trying after a few times (wouldn't you?) unless they're like starving. But if they know you pay attention and respond, they will communicate their wants to you pretty clearly. Nothing they do is random, there is always a reason for it.
Most cats and dogs crave a routine. Unfortunately, sometimes a routine is difficult to establish if your work hours don't permit, or other activities get in the way. That was the original intention behind the free-feeders, however as you noted that can lead to obesity in your pet (not all pets, some regulate their intake well on their own).
So, if you're one that is establishing a feeding time, make sure you stick to exactly the same time every day (like clockwork, seriously). You may even consider providing "breakfast" and "dinner" to your cat (again on a fixed schedule), dividing the daily intake into two meals.
Your cat wants into the Kitchen because they are curious creatures, and you've made the Kitchen some fun forbidden zone. Ideally you're in the Kitchen when the stove is on, so you can prevent burns. You could also try training them into a negative association with the stove by squirting them with a squirt gun (low pressure) every time they walk on it... same with nibbling the plants.
Regarding food, I can’t say enough about the value of robots here - timed food distribution. Get a cat feeder that will release x amount three or four times a day. I think cat binging behavior is an outcome of an unpredictable feeding schedule, basically food insecurity. When the cat just knows that every day at these predictable times it will have food available it will be a happier, less anxious cat for sure. Cats don’t have watches, but they’ll show up at the feeding station like clockwork anticipating the food drop. The flip side is the binging will stop just because of scarcity, but also the cat worries less about food security and develops behaviors of moderation. If feeding cat wet food (which I wouldn’t recommend unless cat is very young or very old) you’ve just got to dole it out yourself on as a predictable basis as possible.
Anyway, just my two cents, worth what you paid for it. Will be curious to see other people’s input.
with the kitchen, I do let him in if I'm going to be in there for a while. I think he really just wants to be where the people are. I don't use spray bottles or anything like that. I've read that sometimes the animal forms a negative association with the human rather than the proscribed behavior. I just put him out the first time he jumps on the counter or chews on a plant.
anyways, it's not really a big deal. I don't find the meowing terribly annoying. I just want, if possible, to be sure I'm making the distinction between ignoring his requests and acknowledging them but "saying no".
My cat has an uncanny ability to ask for food right before my alarm goes off. I’ve often wondered how it pulls this off even after a DST changeover, and figured it was because she could hear the rest of my neighborhood start to get active so not unreasonable to bug us. Simple fix: I set the first food drop about 15mins before my alarm. By the time I’m up she’s already chilling out post-feed. The cat and I agree that more food=better, particularly in frequency, with the caveat that I’m just trying to keep her from gaining or shedding any significant weight between vet visits, so that’s really the only limit I put on it. A decent pattern for us seems to be four times during my normal waking hours. Like morning, noonish/early afternoon, late afternoon, mid-evening. She’s a little scrounger though, definitely interested in whatever I’m eating, particularly cheese, and will try to convince any stranger that she hasn’t eaten for days and is on the verge of death (OmG). But yeah, healthy weight and stable.
Repeated this 5 times in 10 minutes, with it seemingly not listening. But it now knows I don't want that and has stopped for now.
I wondered how often I could do that until he just walked away. I still wonder about that because the answer seemed to be that he was a hell of a lot more persistent then I was at 10 or however old I was.
I wouldn't say I was or am an expert at feline body language but the odd thing to my mind (then and now) was that he never seemed particularly annoyed.
As a side note - I've read that the common idea that angry cats swish their tails back and forth isn't exactly true. Cat - from what I read - do that when they're uncertain. Fight or flight. Or if you see a cat before an open door on a rainy day. They want to be outside but they don't want to be wet.
The thing I read was that the emotion manifested itself as a physical response to being unbalanced. Like a cat using it's tails as a counter when it's a precarious spot. It seemed - and seems - a fascinating insight into an animals mind though I have no idea if there's any truth to it.
Always be calm and gentle, while also very firm and clear, when you correct their undesired activity. If you get mad, they will instinctively get scared for their life that the 15x heavier giant will lose control of themself in anger, and kill them. You know you won't hurt them, but they don't know that - in the animal world, animals get killed suddenly by larger animals out of sharp anger. Plus, when you need to discipline them in the future, they won't run away and make it way harder to correct their behavior.
Some behaviors, the only way is prevention. I still can't stop the cats from sometimes running into unwanted areas of the house, so most of the time I must block them. When they get past, I just let them check out the area for a bit then they eventually let me nicely pick them up and move them to the proper area. Perhaps a more firm owner could employ a better strategy, but this is much better than before. Before, they would escape into the house for 10+ minutes while I got very frustrated at them, they were scared to let me pick them up, and it was just an all around bad experience. Now, they know that when I pick them up, I'm petting them and it can even be a small bonding experience.
On another note, the cat's behavior (meowing in your case) may be due to a different underlying need. One big thing I can think of is, is it bored? We humans spend a lot of time entertaining ourselves, cats have the same needs too. I try to have one 30m session of exciting cat wand play a week at the very least. Indoor cats might be better with a little more. Hunting is so, so fulfilling for these animals, if you look at how specialized they are at hunting, you could imagine how strong their desire to hunt is. So just a small session occasionally would do wonders for their happiness and contentment, and also their love for you that you would fulfill this need for them.
If you know that you have sufficiently provided for and can rule out hunger, thirst, need to pee/poop, boredom, pain, then you at least know that their fundamentals are covered. From there, you can determine if it's something else that's important, or if their behavior is actually frivolous.
I have two - one is remote, aloof and probably wouldn't notice I was gone.
The other is affectionate, cuddly, always wants to sit on my knee and cries on a night when they get locked in the living room.
Personality wise complete opposite ends of the spectrum.
I've had cats all my life. I would say it all depends on the cat. For some cats there is nothing worse that having another cat in their territory but some are more social.
I've had older aloof cats come to life, perk up and become more social when there is new social cat in the house.
surprisingly, he became solemnly composed and accepting of her almost immediately, despite spending his whole life trying to dominate his sister (out of both competitiveness and territoriality, i imagine). i picked her from the kitten rescue specifically for her mild temper, knowing how dominating and insecure he could be. she was playful but respectful, and i'd like to think he was a little less lonely in those last few months with his sister already gone.
fast forward a couple years, and i have an accidental (male) foster kitten who's a crazy ball of energy next to my mild-mannered, now-adult cat. otherwise pretty lazy, she's learning how to play more energetically and socialize with the little devil (as i socialize him as well--his first-time cat owner didn't seem to know if or how to do this).
so yes, there's some osmosis going on, as cats learn from each other and the social structure shifts, but it's limited. no wholesale changes in my experience.
We got another dog to teach our first one how to be a normal dog and keep her company. Dog #2 was a rescue that had grown up on the streets. He was good about eating food but never learned to not pee inside.
We ended up with two weird-ass food-disinterested anxious dogs that pee and poop indoors.
Ouch.
If you fall to the floor dead, your cats will eat you before they are starving. Dogs will wait.
I view this as practicality vs. sentimentality. I'm not sure which one I prefer, but I hope it is an accurate measurement of animal behavior.
Often, wait to starve to death.
"Your faithful golden retriever might sit next to your dead body for days, starving, but the tabby won’t,” she writes. “Your pet cat will eat you right away, with no qualms at all. I’ve seen the result.”
https://nypost.com/2014/08/03/a-million-ways-to-die-in-new-y...
It makes a dog a great companion. Loyal even to those who have done nothing to deserve it. Even an untrained dog will do it's canine best to be a good dog - though it will generally have no idea what we expect that to be.
The problem with that from my point of view is that when you meet a good dog. Well, they're all good dogs aren't they? Who's a good dog? This dog right here! Anyhow - the problem is that I don't trust them. Because they're punching a clock. Do they really like me? Or am I just a co-worker they landed?
A cat on the other hand is different. A cat is like that dude who lived with you and 3 other guys when you were all going to school. I think he was enrolled? Honestly I wonder; it seemed like all he did was sit around, smoke pot and try to fight off all the women running after him with that stupid guitar he played. Classical of course.
Anyhow. If you had kicked him he might have kicked back if he thought he could but maybe he wouldn't if he thought he'd get hurt. What he would have done though is move out the first chance he'd get. If for some reason he couldn't he'd avoid you.
Here's the thing though. When you come home and your cat rambles over and jumps up on your lap. When you scratch him behind the ears or rub a warm belly. It's a genuine thing. It's not much really but it's an unnatural act of empathy.
People say cats view us a kittens. Or as mother cats. Or something. I'm not sure that's the case. I think it's possible at least that they know us to be something alien and strange to them. That they're living their life apart from us but they can choose to try and relate to us - and they do that in the ways that they know.