For a majority individual to 'feel ok' with a minority jumping the line they must fundamentally believe their merits don't matter as much as the minority's group identity. Likewise, the minority must believe their merits don't matter either, only their group identity matters. Therein lies the problem, 'color blindness' and 'affirmative action' are diametrically opposed. The harder you push for the one is a push away from the other. Which is 'harder' for a society to learn - their merits don't matter or their group identity doesn't matter (in the context of say getting a job)?
It's such a shame, because we want as a society the hiring manager to go to the reservation job fair looking for applicants. But the manager knows that there are precious few 'qualified' applicants and we recognize they will tend to maximize the efficiency of their time.
Of course, it isn't an accident there are few qualified applicants in those places. Poverty has a holistic effect on a group. My hope is that groups can somehow separate financial poverty from poverty of ambition to try to break these cycles and make progress. Every 'group culture' has a unique ethos, many poor groups had rich ambition and rose out of their poverty over time. To me this is the only way I can see real progress being made without giving up on meritocracy (and by extension technological/scientific progression).
So the question becomes - what does it look like to cultivate group ambition?
1. Generational support: believe your situation is not guaranteed for your children. Fight for them. Sacrifice for them.
2. Education/medical: we pour resources into certain underprivileged places (not groups, physical locations). This isn't going against meritocracy, it's a long-term investment.
3. Recognize that human civilization is at its finest when people believe they can rise above their circumstances, despite all the external and internal factors pulling them down.