Fair point. You are totally right that my description of myself aligns with historical understandings of gender. I was failed to be explicit about my inclusion of my experience of our work/domestic/(implicit and explicit) power balance in my usage. That I "don't feel like I fit" traditional roles definitely contains bias as that is also the view I would like to have of myself.

The reason we appear to have the 1950s responsibility split is my wife sold her business (not HN-levels of success, hence me keeping my job) concurrent with discovering she was pregnant. She didn't have the next thing lined up so she has decided to enjoy being a full-time mother. When she finds the right fit there is a good chance that I will jump to being a full-time parent to support her career aspirations from the domestic side. Presently I do 5 hours of childcare on a normal workday (0600-0900[alone], 1700-1900[with wife]). I would far prefer to do 10 (the entirety of their waking hours).

> To me the issue has always been allowing other to define success for you.

I still find it embarrassingly easy to fall subject to "keeping up with the Jonses" thinking. I hope that ends as some point as I don't want to pass that on to my kids the way it was to me. It sounds like you have gotten over this hurdle so I would definitely like to hear how you did it.