I’m seriously asking for new ideas. This space is new and free to rethink incentives in all sorts of ways, it doesn’t need to repeat the same mistakes as fiat.

Yes. If we split all the bitcoins up into 7.8 billion pieces and distributed them to everyone on the planet ... what do you think bitcoins would suddenly be worth? Would each slice still be worth ~$100 or would the market simply collapse?

That seems like a legitimate question although you’ve rephrased it somewhat uncharitably.