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Just ban people. That one ban will eliminate all crimes except bin theft.

This really is the logical conclusion for the ban and regulate crowd.

... ????

Yes and then ban people when they move on to robbing.

Bad analogy. Ban private property when people move on to robbing, then it's just sharing

Legalise burglary like the Dutch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRfluaMKoOY

Robbery is a lot easier than carjacking, so this proposal comes off as insensitive to people concerned about being targeted by criminals.

Being insensitive to those concerns is not necessarily wrong. The level of concern about being targeted by criminals seems to have almost no relation to the level of risk.

This but unironically (car abolitionism)

They have problems with all sorts of violence and theft, so your solution is to ban the most notable item targeted for theft? I hope you're joking, because this proposal is just as bad as the one in the article.