Some people find the min-maxing to be part of the fun, but it sounds like it stressed you out, so you just shouldn't play it that way. Take as long as you want, the game will not punish you for doing that.
The first year was pretty hectic for me trying to get everything done - basically had no time for relationships until year 2. I would not call that experience relaxing, even though it was pretty fun. But once you hit year 3+, it becomes pretty chill when you have iridium sprinkles + junimo huts taking care of pretty much everything while tons of money rolls in, so you can just focus on getting your farm perfectly set up.
Of course, after I had my farm set up perfectly, that's when I lost interest
I don't think this was true in the original release of the game, which may be why early players felt pressured.
Unrelated note to your comment: "fmining" was a great skill track.
Once you get evaluated at the end of two years you can get re-evaluated whenever you want and you can still get the reward for the highest evaluation tier. You don't lose anything from not getting the perfect evaluation the first time.
I started it again a few weeks ago when 1.5 came out. This time I'm using mods. I usually avoid mods because it feels like cheating, it doesn't feel like an accomplishment to succeed at an arbitrarily modified version of a game.
But since this game isn't competitive, and mods make the difference between having a game to enjoy and skipping it altogether, I have no problem with mods. There's one that lets you pause/unpause the day so it can be as long as you want.
I do understand that some experiences are heightened by conflict or urgency - but if you've been gamed all day at work with those experiences - maybe just taking the time to be aware and explore is what you're looking for.