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How? I have been looking for this setting but haven't been able to find it.

On the landing page after you log in, click Users at the bottom. Then click Add User or Add Admin, and just set the Account Type to Local Access Only.

Oh but this doesn't actually disable remote access on the UDM side, does it? It's just a flag that the cloud host can choose to respect?

You need to go to the settings for the UDM/UDMP itself, not the network controller, and disable remote access there. It's a bit hidden.

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