What you're saying isn't true for Europe, actually. It's true that in Tokyo you can live far from the center of Tokyo and still have a lively neighborhood around the station, and reliable train to commute to the inner-Yamanote area. You still suffer if you need to commute because the trains are packed at peak time (station staff literally pushing people in so the doors can close).

In Paris however, you either live in Paris itself (roughly the size of the Yamanote line) but it's crazy expensive especially if you have kids and need a bigger appartment, or you live in the suburbs that are mostly just housing and train (RER & Transilien) is unreliable.

If you want to live in the "15-minutes neighborhood" with everything, but can't afford to live inside Paris or down town of a big metropolis, you need to move to a middle-size city but then getting a job in your area is more difficult.