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Comment by flyGuyOnTheSly | Hacker News Reader

I remember sitting in third grade class, red in the face, hand patiently up in the air for minutes straight, simultaneously crying and pissing myself in my chair while Tiffany pointed and laughed at me with her bright red cheeks!

I was a good kid!

If I had of robbed or killed someone and been to Juvenile Hall, my pants would probably have been dry.

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There is a middle ground between passive and aggressive called assertive. That is what one should aim for.

The world chews up and spits out good kids. I vowed early on that I wouldn't let anyone shit on me again and it really shaped my early life, not necessarily for the better. I overshot assertive by a decent margin.

Fortunately, I eventually settled into a healthy middle ground. I do wonder if there is a method of preparing "good kids" for the world of shit they are about to encounter in a manner that is a net benefit to them (ie. Not scarred or jaded by it). Not that I'm ever having kids.

Unfortunately, through much of school "assertive" is interpreted as "aggressive" and punished. I would classify it as assertive if a student, after raising their hand without results for a minute, said they had to go to the bathroom & then got up & went to the bathroom.

The teacher on the other hand might decide it was time for a trip to the principal's office & call home to parents because the student caused a disruption to the class by leaving without permission.

If a teacher did this to my kids I would be outraged. It's bad enough they have to wear a school uniform.

I have the same experience. I also overshot "assertive," but the alternative was that everyone would continue to steamroll me to the point of despair. Assertive wasn't enough to safeguard my dignity.

It is indeed exactly as you said. The world chewed me up for being innocent. I was routinely physically assaulted at school. These things were passed off as roughhousing or joking and the adults never intervened, and some even seemed to appreciate the "humor."

The adults rolled their eyes at me essentially for being weak, it was sort of like "sigh, what are we gonna do with that kid?" It occurs to me now that these were bitter, jaded people who hated a child for his naiveté.

If I defended myself, I was the bad guy. At some point I thought: "it doesn't make sense that I am the one who is right and that everyone else is wrong, so maybe I should be more like those guys." But then I got punished too. For example, it was considered funny for people to kick me in the balls at times. It had happened to me 10+ times and nobody got punished. Regrettably, I did it once to another kid and it was a scandal and I got punished.

I am in a healthy place now but I thank God I got through the teen and young adult years without becoming a criminal. I think I easily could have, because I came out of school a deeply damaged individual.

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