> so they made next to nothing or maybe even lost money after interest, taxes, upkeep, etc
Don't forget that you can "lose money" on a house and still be basically ~100% ahead of where you'd be if you had rented. The only way that renting actually comes out ahead is if you're actively and aggressively investing amounts larger than your would-be down payment, and making consistent profits for the duration that are larger than bank loan interest rates.
FWIW I'm on my 2nd house, and the costs listed have never felt like they change the balance of the equation at all. I don't have HOA, most people don't (unlike all the other costs listed, HOA is a choice, you don't have to buy into a neighborhood with HOA dues). The other costs are somewhat in the noise. Closing costs are a one time thing, think of them as part of the purchase price, nothing to think about later. Tax and maintenance are ongoing but not very large (and don't forget rent is also paying tax and maintenance, bundled). The biggest additional costs of owning a house for me have been remodeling, but so far those have come back to me with returns, in the form of a higher sale price on the house.