I like clean, elegant, expressive code, just like everyone else.
I don't particularly care for the attitude that because something can be used to write horribly unmaintainable messes, it must necessarily be bad and have few practical applications.
No, if you get horrid unmaintainable messes it's because you're either inexperienced or a bad programmer, you may be able to hide that in layers and layers of corporate Java that adheres to every guideline, but the second anyone tries to touch it, you'll be found out anyway. I'm going to take a wild guess that you're also imbued with a similarly low opinion of PHP based on that (insightful if somewhat one-sided and flawed) article that guy wrote.
In my opinion, the flexibility and elegance you can get out of exploiting, not abusing or misusing, the dynamic nature of JS, is the main appeal of the language, it's really damn fast to get stuff done, and even done in a nice and safe way, provided you have some idea what you're doing.
There are terrible things that you can do in JS, and those are terrible even in the context of JS, but, what is a terrible thing to do in one language may be just fine(tm) in another, so trying to force some Java or C++ ideas onto any other language is just not a good way of going about things. Every language must be considered on its own.
What is reasonable to do when writing machine code may not be reasonable in assembler, and what is reasonable in assembler may not be reasonable in C and up you go.