I'm also diagnosed with ADHD which is often co-morbid with ASD.
I very much refuse to go along with a looooot of things just for the sake it. Anything steeped in tradition without a whole lot of logic to it gets met with mostly flat rejection. This has steadily increased as I've gotten older.
My mum used to be a special needs teacher and she kind of suspected I might be on the spectrum when I was a teenager. I've met people diagnosed with ASD whom I share a bunch of lived experience in common with. My step brother has a son whose diagnosed with ASD and he sort of indicated I show some signs of it. So, there are hints that maybe I am somewhere possibly the invisible end of the spectrum? Or maybe it's just my personality?
I read through Asperger's The Complete Guide. There are a few puzzle pieces which fit like ding ding ding. But there just aren't enough of them. And I watch things like Love On The Spectrum etc and I have had my share of difficulties perhaps but nowhere near what those people experience.
I've kinda tossed up getting a professional opinion about it multiple times. I just mostly feel like this is me and it's who I enjoy being. Perhaps my 20s were just one big development of coping mechanisms? My social skills just haven't really troubled me until this year. Mostly it's either workmates, long term friends who share my interests, or special interest groups where I have stuff in common with people. This year I had to take my son to a school thing where there were other parents and the only shared context was our children. It was very anxiety inducing and I just felt like I had nothing. My son wanted to stay longer but I panicked and I said we had to go home.
So... At this point I don't really know.
"I am acting like this because of my ASD" vs. "I am acting like this because I'm not very agreeable" I think is valuable self knowledge alone.
I tell my own ASD child, it's such a broad spectrum of otherwise loosely-associated characteristics that whatever diagnostic standards are deployed by professionals almost certainly will be reassessed as erroneous in my child's lifetime, which means all authoritative guidance you can receive now on the subject is 'wrong'. ASD is a bucket of 'different'. Those doing the judging can't even be consistent in expressing how ASDers are 'different'. That is all.
Kamp-Becker I, Albertowski K, Becker J, Ghahreman M, Langmann A, Mingebach T, Poustka L, Weber L, Schmidt H, Smidt J, Stehr T, Roessner V, Kucharczyk K, Wolff N, Stroth S. Diagnostic accuracy of the ADOS and ADOS-2 in clinical practice. Eur Child Adolesc Psychiatry. 2018 Sep;27(9):1193-1207. doi: 10.1007/s00787-018-1143-y. Epub 2018 Mar 20. PMID: 29560529:
> There is an obvious symptom overlap between ASD and emotional and anxiety disorders documented by several studies [24, 52–56]. Both disorders involve profound social interaction and communication defcits, problems in emotion recognition, insistence on sameness, infexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns or verbal/non-verbal behaviour. 30% of children with an anxiety disorder (but no known diagnosis of ASD) were above the cutof of the ADI-R in at least one domain [57]. Other disorders are likewise associated with “autistic traits” of profound amount, such as ADHD, conduct disorders, intellectual impairment, and language disorders (see above)
Since none of the traits of ASD is unique to ASD, none of those traits can be said to be "by definition, autism". One only should be diagnosed with ASD if one has enough of a broad enough cross-section of those traits, and those traits cause clinically significant dysfunction. (A person with a broad cross-section of those traits but without clinically significant dysfunction doesn't have ASD, they have BAP, but the boundary between ASD and BAP is unclear and varies from clinician to clinician.)
https://www.autismspeaks.org/autism-diagnosis-criteria-dsm-5
"""Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts, as manifested by the following, currently or by history...
Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity...
Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction...
Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships... """