Is Rejection Painful? Actually, It Is | Hacker News Reader

Is Rejection Painful? Actually, It Is

nytimes.com

46 pointsrobg13 comments

Have you ever tried the experiment where a delay is added to your mouse input? Just a small delay (a fraction of a second) will feel like something is broken. Your brain will quickly adjust, and before long, everything seems normal. But for a little while, your brain will tell you "there is something wrong, this is broken."

Testosterone has two interesting effects which I think contribute the the feeling of pain after rejection. (Remember that women also have some T, and it works identically.) The first is that it improves muscle function. And the other is that T decreases dramatically when a person is rejected. So suddenly, I think all of your muscles suddenly don't work quite as well as they did a moment ago. So a really crappy physical feeling is compounded by your brain complaining that your entire body is slightly broken because it doesn't react in the expected way.

Just an idea :)

Nice. This might explain, why, I now feel physical pain when I have to use Windows XP :-D

Being the creator of rejection Therapy http://www.rejectiontherapy.com I've had some pretty big rejections. Blown out even. Decimated.

Does it hurt? Yes, like nothing else. My entire being feels shell shocked. It's not a sharp, stabbing pain, mind you. It's a ringing, searing sickness I feel through my entire body. Some rejections have given me flu-like symptoms for days.

But you know what? I also feel like a took a good punch and I'm still standing. I've seen other people be courageous and get completely blown out and I deeply respect them for that. To some, they are victims or suckers. To me, they are heroes I would hug if I could.

So, when I get rejected in an epic way, I try and respect and honour myself.

Best of all, the rejection gives me an experience to draw upon. I can say, "I've been through worse and came out stronger. I'll be okay. I can do this."

It can be the best confidence in the world.

"And while people have long taken painkillers to cope with emotional distress, there’s no telling, in this instance, whether a Tylenol can help."

Actually, there is:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/12/091222154742.ht...

http://mindhacks.com/2010/06/16/headache-pill-reduces-the-pa...

The difference is the more I get rejected, the less each individual one hurts. I don't think that's true about getting stabbed, though I haven't experimented to prove it.

I think if you tried it with light burns (e.g. minor hot water spills), it would lessen somewhat over time.

That's been true in my experience. I used to work as a die caster in a foundry.

The first few years there, the die cast machines were only semi automated. We had to scoop out the molten aluminum from the holding furnace with a big ladle. We wore gloves but you could still feel the intense heat of the furnace on your hands. Our work shirts were made of simple cotton and provided zero protection against molten metal.

There wasn't a day that went by when I didn't get burned either on my hands, arms or face. On night shift it happened twice as often.

At first, having a glob of molten aluminum splash on my skin was scary and very painful. But after a few months of it happening every single day, it was nothing. You just brushed it off and carried on.

That's what I've heard anecdotally from chefs too; not just that, but the body adapts and even stops overreacting.

I think rejection therapy is so important it should be a class in school.

Every time I hear about rejection therapy, I think of the person I know who excels the most at it:

The local homeless guy.

Related article I think underscores your point: Dealing with rejection is a core competency: http://blog.summation.net/2011/02/dealing-with-rejection-is-...

Kind of weird that the article claims there haven't been any findings like this before. This sounds a lot like research done at the social cognitive neuroscience lab at UCLA...about 8 years ago (http://www.scn.ucla.edu/pdf/Cyberball290.pdf).

What doesn't...

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