> Any companies that offer ISOs without at least a ten year exercise window is just spitting in your face
I would love to do it at my company.
I've reached out to our lawyers a couple years ago to set it up, and our lawyers strongly pressured us to stick with standard terms (3 months), because from the legal side, things get messy with long excercise windows (I don't remember the exact issues, but could probably dig them up).
A simple solution is to not include stock options in how you value your comp package when going to work at a small company.
As a founder, I offer stock options when I make job offers, but we never hype it up as if they are guaranteed to be worth anything in the near term. I sometimes tell candidates straight out "you can look at them like lottery tickets". I would absolutely not hire someone if they say something like "The salary is too low, but that's ok, the stock options will make up for it" - I would immediately correct them and educate them on how stock options work and the inherent risk so they can make an informed decision.
There are definitely other founders who hype the value of stock options. When that happens, it's not OK and I see where your frustration is coming from. But not all founders are evil people trying to spit in your face.