https://dqydj.com/average-median-top-net-worth-percentiles/#...
As far as the median net worth, that's just someone most of the way through paying off their mortgage...
you might also consider that there is probably some sampling bias in your social circle. I'd guess it disproportionately consists of people who have advanced degrees, possibly from more expensive schools. as a counter-anecdote, most of my friends got STEM degrees at a state university. the ones who took out loans paid them off completely within two years of graduation.
85k in student loans 30k 401k loan 20k car loan 30k car loan
Hell, the fact that you had $30k in a 401k that you could borrow from yourself already makes you exceptional.
401k match is nice and I'd had been working for 5-6 years when I did this, so it was vested.
I was in a deep hole, but I had a big shovel. I wish I hadn't dug the hole though. I encourage others to not dig holes either now that I've learned my lesson the hard way.
You mention some pretty heavy consequences to learn lessons.
I'd say committing to something for 3-4 years that means telling yourself NO is pretty hard. Its not "survive being a Vietnam Prisoner of War" hard, but I never claimed it was.
It's better to learn from others mistakes, than to "learn it the hard way".
"The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it." - Proverbs 22:3