How to engage in a conversation with a relative supporting conspiracy theories? | Hacker News Reader

How to engage in a conversation with a relative supporting conspiracy theories?

3 pointsjackjackk04 comments

Yesterday evening I had a big discussion with part of my family. The starting question was legitimate: should you take the covid19 pfizer vaccine? This same question started an interesting debate also on HN a couple of days ago. I argued for yes, they argued for no. I could have lived with that, hoping that the majority of people won't think like them. But what really made me furious was the line of arguments they were putting on the table, completely detached from the reality, downplaying the role of the virus, disregarding as credible any statistics, taking as truth that pfeizer is fraudulent, and basically questioning without doubt the good faith of all the people involved in supplying this vaccine. I snapped, I couldn't take it. The mood of the dinner was ruined, and nothing I said really made any difference: that covid19 is evident from excess mortality curves even discarding altogether the covid19 cases count, that the time for approval for this vaccine is the same as the others, that people should ask themselves what gamble they prefer take, that a vaccine is the only way of hoping to go back for normality in 2021, and that any evil plan by pfizer (not to mention bill gates...) has no iota of proof whatsoever.

If it were a random stranger from the internet, it's sad but I could let go. Here, I still care about these people and want to keep having some sort of conversations with them. My question to you is: how do you keep calm and get a constructive conversation happening? Kid were also listening, and I was very worried for them much more than for the adults in the room.

I heard something once that stuck with me, which is that you may not change your intended audience's viewpoint but you could change the opinions of those around you. Essentially what that means is that if you are able to lay out a strong case for your viewpoint while also keeping your emotions in check, you might have an effect on people around you (like the kids) who see you as a calm and rational person and therefore more trustworthy. This also has the added benefit of making anyone listening in more receptive to your ideas moving forward, and could (if exposed to the ideas enough) change their views over time.

Sometimes you're just not going to convince someone to stop believing a conspiracy theory; accepting that and trying to constructively argue without any expectation of changing their opinion will be more beneficial for everyone.

FYI (in case it's not clear) I am fully in support of the science behind the vaccine.

Thanks for the hint, indeed my big mistake was not keeping emotions in check. I think the mistake was driven by: 1) they are relatives of mine 2) Covid19 is a tough topic, so politically manipulated that it hurts me to know that people are actually dying from misinformed decision making. Your suggestion also reminds me of the book never split the difference (saw it recommended on HN few times), about a hostage negotiator sharing his lessons learned. one was keeping your voice calm like that of a night dj. hard but probably the most strategic thing to do!

They need to be exposed to real information. Try to make a bet with them so they can watch CNN or MSNBC for one week, while you watch FoxNews. Pretend that you're both willing to "understand" the other side. And hope that some of the real info sinks into their head.

Thanks for the suggestion! Once a colleague and I were asked to argue in defense of the other person's view by our supervisor and the exercise really brought the conversation to a more constructive level (although there the probability of being wrong was more symmetric).

I will try to think about how to translate your CNN bet in Italy where we live, this type of misinformation here seems to be spread mostly through rumors, click-bait articles, whatsapp chains and facebook.

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