Smash Training Retrospective
waleedkhan.name
waleedkhan.name
Honestly one of your spaced-repetition exercises should be "play a character you don't know how to use, lose badly over and over, and just let it go without an elevated heartbeat."
I would definitely recommend something in the roguelike/roguelite genre if you're interested in improving your emotional management, since all of your progress can be wiped away by permadeath due to one false move, and you just have to learn to deal with it.
But just for me, if I'm egged into playing a competitive game by someone else because they insist, then that is exactly what it feels like. I believe the only reason I don't press myself to best this person one day is because I'm a bad sport, not because I don't want to focus on the game because I want to do other things. I tell myself that I like creating things instead, and some other part of me won't have it, in order to capitalize on the feeling. I don't want to push myself to do all this training because I can't tolerate sustained amounts of failure and it's a lot of time to spend.
So even though games are not a significant interest to me, I am haunted by the notion that maybe if adolescent me had more self esteem, then that would not be the case, and that I've made some kind of mistake along the way. That I am just coddling myself, choosing instead to watch livestream archives where the win or loss was prerecorded, or selecting hobbies that are as easy to join as saying you watched something on TV the other night. People seem to agree that not being able to tolerate failure is not a good thing in general. And it feels like my tenuous relationship with games is somehow turning into a metaphor for the rest of my life, how I couldn't push myself to do better in other fields because of the same resistance to "getting good" not at fighting game combos or K/D ratios, but job networking or relationship building or taking constructive criticism to heart. The mechanism of failing, taking the fall, and doing better is the same. I don't need to play games and lose to feel that, whether or not I choose to turn off the console and leave, I'm still just a scrub at life.
I don't see games as a "superior" hobby to watching TV just because these problems come to light in the face of playing them. But I can never shake the feeling that I would be looked down on for them, by someone on an anonymous forum I'm unable to stop thinking about, or worse, someone who is the harshest critic and is also not possible to avoid: me.
I'm not affiliated, but check out the HealthyGamerGG channel on Youtube. He's a Harvard psychiatrist does interviews/counseling streams on twitch that are pretty cool, and deal with a lot of millenial/zoomer gamer mental health issues. Here's one that spoke to me about failure and expectations: https://youtu.be/hzkgIOzBP7w
Going on testosterone blockers helped a little bit, but really it was important for me to realize that this was a manifestation of a real emotional problem I had. It was also important for me to realize that while it was my responsibility to cope with, there is no possible way it could have been my fault. I'd been pushed and prodded to be the best at everything I did since I was three years old, so naturally I cultivated my experiences accordingly. I didn't ask for that. I've had to learn to see the way I see the world as a bunch of adaptations to a profoundly inhumane environment, and that makes it a little more possible to deconstruct them.
My inner critic is an introject of my emotionally neglectful and sometimes abusive parents and the teachers I had when I was very young, all of whom had the same utterly unreasonable expectations of me. "Git gud" doesn't have a time limit attached. Maybe, when people say that, you should be hearing "git better." Maybe you need to git gud at gitting gud. Question your beliefs. Interrogate the notion that you're unworthy of self-compassion because you're Bad At Something. Physically scream at it if you have to. Say, "Get out of my fucking head," and hold what's left gently and say "it's okay." Let yourself cry. It's okay.
Find more things to suck at. Sucking at stuff is punk as hell.
It's truly inspiring how far modders have been able to push this game.
Anyone serious enough to invest time into mechanical repetitions already knows the benefits of training and doesn't need convincing.
All sports have repeating structure and volume of work, I don't think this approach to practice is so revolutionary that it needs evidence of value.
"In the end, I used ssb.fit because 1) smash.training got taken (!)"
Incidentally, I wonder if OP got frontrun by domain squatters there? It was registered December 2019, just a few months before he released. Did OP do some domain searches in December while musing about the idea?
I remember a similar experience with https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/ - I joked on Twitter about making 'thiswaifudoesnotexist.com' and a few hours later, I decided it was a funny enough idea I ought to actually make it... And I discovered the domain had just been registered. I can only assume there are domain squatters who pay for Twitter feeds, look up all domains, and purchase unregistered ones either to harvest traffic or to sell to loose-lipped people like myself. (Fortunately, I didn't need that TLD, so I refused to pay the danegeld and registered the .net instead.)
I was surprised to hear this. Is this still true for Vue 3?