> added a lot of stress to my life A sick side effect of the US's consumer culture is that we define most of our experiences in terms of pleasure and pain, which is a shallow and unhelpful way to intepret it.
A couple of years ago, a dear friend died suddenly. I flew across the country to her memorial service. Her husband asked if anyone wanted to say anything. I'm very shy and not spontaneous, but I found myself getting up in front of a hundred people and talking about her and their marriage while tears poured down my face. I've never done anything like that before, and I honestly couldn't even really tell you what I said.
In the calculus of pleasure and pain, this was a miserable experience. Grieving for my friend and her absolutely destroyed husband. Terrified of public speaking, inexplicably ashamed to be crying in front of others, sobbing in sadness. If this experience was a blister-packed product I bought off Amazon, it would get a zero-star review.
But it is one of the most meaningful, important experiences of my life. Of course it sucked, but the fact that it sucked shows how much it was worth it.
The question is not whether your friends add stress. All friends will, even the best ones. In fact, the best ones will often add the most, as you empathize with their struggles and experience them as your own. The question is whether the stress is meaningful and worth it. Obviously, cut out toxic people who bring you down for no benefit. But avoiding all close friendships because they can hurt means losing the opportunity to have all of the deep difficult but meaningful experiences that make life worth it.