I know my generation has free access to almost all of human knowledge online, I know hard work and study can pull me out of this hell. I start every day hoping to do just that, but my accomplishments remain depressingly few regardless. Honestly, it's even getting worse over time, I was a far brighter and gifted kid once. I live in fear of how much smarter some of my peers are getting and I can't catch up.
It's like, every time I try to escape this mess, I fall back to a predetermined state of idleness. Most of the blame is on me; I was actually given some good opportunities to better myself by teachers who cared, I was a step away from scholarships at private schools and studying abroad etc. and I blew it all away. I never worked hard enough. Some of my failures may just boil down to luck.
Still, it is sad to think (with hindsight) how much different everything could've been, if my starting conditions were just a bit better. If I had been given a nudge in the right direction at challenging moments, instead of having to rely on self-study and self-help. If my parents had made me play an instrument, learn math earlier, read more books or make friends. God, it would've been so much better had I known somebody who had already done the things I wanted to do.
Breaking out of the loop is very, very hard without help. It is like the Münchhausen Trilemma. Anyway, I hope this comment is not inappropriate for HN, I just have nowhere else to vent. Sorry.