Nix fulfills every single requirement Michael has put forward (except the squash>tar thing, which I still don't understand).
That's all there is to this. I sympathize with Ericson's frustration. It's exhausting watching people re-invent inferior solutions to Nix, instead of just hopping in and fixing or using Nix. Of course, John Ericson is one of the few people motivated, qualified (and maybe has the buy-in) to make changes in Nix. I'm thankful for that on-going work.