I think your idea is great and I'd like to get your advice on my copy too.

But! Is it just me, or are the above two paragraphs too salesy? Group decision making is hard, and I don't think a web service would make it easy overnight. Misunderstandings will never be a thing of the past. Pitching should not involve large blanket statements. I'm missing exactly how this web app will do it. In a paragraph. And if possible, why the idea is so compelling that I need to move my team to this service.

So I'm missing how and why. The two above paragraphs sound like blowing hot air to me.

This doesn't mean that I don't trust your copywriting ability. Maybe my intuitions are wrong and lay people go gaga with the above write-up.