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Comment by gtf21 | Hacker News Reader

As a founder / CTO the best money I have spent is on a really good coach. My coach (my cofounder's too, and now some of our leadership team) doesn't have particular expertise in founding or leading companies, but works with many founders, and she's not technical, but the things I think I have found hardest to learn are mostly around people management and leadership, which I think are underrated skills that require serious development (actually, whether one is in a position of leadership or not). When I think of all the books I have bought or conferences to which I have been, in terms of impact on my effectiveness as a manager and leader, coaching is wayyyyyyyy out in front.

EDIT: actually not just as a leader / manager, but in all areas of my life.

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I'm considering hiring a coach to improve my soft skills. The problem is finding the right person. Do you have any tips on how to find such person?

Edit: software -> soft

I mean stuff like better communication, goal setting, learning strategies, negotiation skills...

What are you hoping to learn? Might be hard to get it all from a single coach.

I'm not a coach, but I know one strategy that helped me IMMENSELY develop my social skills was moving to a new place where I didn't know anyone (and more importantly, no one knew me) and becoming the social person I wanted to be.

At first I was pretty socially awkward, but over time (1-2 yrs) I became more confident in social environments and my conversation skills improved. I think the "fake it till you make it" worked great for me here.

Obviously there are limitations to this - not sure most people can just move to a new city - but perhaps the principles can be applied ---> put yourself in an environment (like going to a meetup) where no one knows you and act like a socialite

Best way to learn is through doing different challenges for yourself. A good psychologist can help you setup a plan and program without any out of pocket expenses besides co pay. Problem is finding one that uses evidence based therapy and isn’t a quack. Look for someone with a degree from a good university that specializes in anxiety

I don't know if I really agree -- I have found having a coach extremely valuable (and mine is totally unqualified in terms of psychology degrees, but has heaps of experience of coaching founders). Having someone to help you think through problems who can do so objectively, and doesn't get fascinated with the detail because she's removed from the problems to a degree, is great.

A psychologist can basically be a coach for things like social anxiety. You might be able to get a better coach but you can also get a highly qualified one subsidized by healthcare.

Oh I see, solving a different problem to me I suppose but fair enough.

Those are all things I've found coaching to help with. I had tried other coaches before settling with mine, she was recommended by an investor who had worked with her closely for years. To be honest, so much of it is deeply personal. She works brilliantly for me, but I'm sure others might have different experiences (although she coaches many founders).

I think the best thing to do is to get recommendations / referrals from people you know, and try a few sessions. It really takes time (in my experience) to find a good rhythm with a coach, and to learn how to work with that person. An important indicator for me was that I felt really comfortable really quickly, and that my coach didn't just prescribe solutions, but instead helped me think through problems.

I used this service before and found it quite good.

https://findyourcoach.com

I've also struggled with finding the right coach. It's a tricky evaluation problem: The first meeting shouldn't feel perfectly comfortable, the whole point is that they're going to bring in viewpoints that stress you out. But incorrect viewpoints also stress me out. I'd love to demand scientific evidence behind all of their assertions, but have (kicking and screaming) come to realize that many important things in life simply don't/can't have studies at my preferred level of rigor.

An idea: Hire a coach with the expressed goal of finding another coach. Like an interim CEO who understands they are not being considered for the permanent position. I tried this once, with friend-of-a-friend coach, and she couldn't really break out of her reflexive attempts to fix me directly, but that's n=1 and a convenience sample at that, so I think there's still potential in the idea. Let me know if it works for you!

> I'd love to demand scientific evidence behind all of their assertions, but have (kicking and screaming) come to realize that many important things in life simply don't/can't have studies at my preferred level of rigor.

Hm. I still haven't accepted this, perhaps it's why I think a lot of management "techniques" are bullshit or bullshit combined with obvious truisms.

Both can be true! The fuzziness gives BS a lot of space to grow. But it's objectively true that some companies do better than others, with an effect size is so large and sustained that I (at least) have trouble believing that it's just chance

Even if you don't accept "can't", "don't" is pretty reasonable IMO.

Well, I accept the "don't", but in those areas I wouldn't feel that breaking from what others are doing is unjustified.

ie. If there isn't a strong justification in doing it, then there is no compelling reason for it to be done in that particular way.

I've had to unlearn this, and part of my awakening was watching the stagnation of rationalists (myself included) who think a lot and argue about things but rarely take action. So much of rationalism is based on assumptions (due to our inherent inability to capture everything in our models) and those assumptions can be wrong in real life. Rationalists also generally fear uncertainty unless they can describe or quantify it, but this is not always possible. I've learned to let go of hyperrationalism and instead, rely more on using intuitive reasoning and heuristics.

If I hired a coach, I would want one who's more or less an empiricist who can push me to try new things and verify them for myself. Action, even if not perfectly rigorous, produces new information. A lot of stuff we cannot prove actually works in real life.

(I still don't believe in crackpot theories but heuristics at least help me choose between reasonable options.)

I think there's a medium ground. Rationalism and empiricism in the historical sense are interesting philosophies, good to study.

The "neo-rationalism" that you tend to find online (especially in HN & LW adjacent communities) falls much more into the criticisms you define, but I hardly really consider those communities actually "rational" at all.

Heuristics are important, but what I find management often does is lie to themselves about what is an intuitive heursitic, (perhaps justified by a story of how it worked in another company) and what is something that is generally justified by empirics. Sometimes you need to make ad-hoc, intuitive decisions due to resource constraints, but you should be aware of when those times are and shouldn't act as if they are equivalent.

I've seen this happen in some companies and it is not pretty: when you don't distinguish between the story and fact, then everyone just starts telling stories and it becomes very difficult to ascertain what is happening.

Finding a stellar coach is much like making any other hire - their skills and style need to match your needs. It is definitely worth speaking to a few individuals to find a perfect fit.

I am a leadership coach with 15+ years experience hiring and developing top talent for Google, Amazon, IBM, and more than 30 startups. I love helping leaders build clarity and confidence.

If you'd like to book a complimentary call, you can find me at https://calendly.com/alignedclarity/discovery

How did you find your coach?

Recommendation from an investor and mentor I really respected. She had worked with my coach for years.

People are asking "How do I find a coach?", and like most personal services, the best leads come from referrals and friends.

I'm a tech mentor and lifecoach myself, and I'm ready to work with you to help achieve your dreams. I offer a free discovery call to get clear on your goals: https://calendly.com/ryanpetroff/discovery-call

I hate the idea but someone else said, every professional athlete has a coach.

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