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Comment by watermelon59 | Hacker News Reader

Well, let's see.

My wife left me shortly before the pandemic started. I tried leaning on alleged friends for emotional support and they bailed on me. I don't have any family here in the US.

The pandemic hit and I had to stop practicing my sport.

My work output has been 10-20% of what it used to be even though I don't have kids to deal with, or any of the things that are driving folks crazy. It takes me around 2h to make myself get out of bed every day.

Fortunately, therapy has been helping little by little.

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Damn, that's a shitty hand you've been dealt. I hope you find your luck turning around, and I hope you can allow yourself to operate at 10-20% without too much judgement; an individual can only accommodate so much at once.

Thank you for sharing this on HN. It's always good for us, as a community, to acknowledge the less ebullient, bullish sides of our lives.

Yeah, it hasn't been easy. But I still count myself lucky, since a lot of people everywhere have had it much worse.

Regarding work, I was a dumbass actually. I didn't share with any superior what was going on, spent months both hating myself and also fearing being "found out". But recently I felt so overwhelmed that I had to bring it up. I was afraid to do it, only to find out I should've done it much earlier. My manager and my skip-level were incredibly understanding and accomodating once I shared with them, and even offered to reduce my "available capacity" when planning next quarter's work, with no reduction in salary or anything. Truly amazing.

I'm still quite low in productivity, but it's great to have the space to be so while I sort things out.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I've been dealing with the exact same situation for the past few months and I am really happy to hear that your manager was supportive.

I am confident that it will get better! And you should be too.

Also, I am not sure if you are doing therapy, but I would really recommend David Burn's CBT guide [1] (the meat of the book is in the first part).

[1]: https://www.pdfdrive.com/feeling-good-by-david-burns-e334132...

Right now, there's someone thinking of you and believing that you will continually improve :)

Thank you for the kind words and support :)

You’re welcome to email me if you want or need someone to talk to (in profile).

Do you have some savings? You should do a vacation in the south. Get some sunlight in a southern state (Cali, Texas, Florida). With proper planning your interactions with other people can be as minimal as your average gas station run-in.

It’s pretty nice here in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico!

Good luck and feel free to reach out for an impromptu chat

You are not alone.

Get a dog or three.

After cat sitting for a neighbor recently, I've been seriously considering adopting a pair of cats :)

Look for a rescue that will let you give it a try, as it were, for a month, and if it doesn't work out you can return the animal without issue (so you won't feel like you have to keep the cat if it isn't working out).

I did that back when I first was on my own and wanted a pet...and then found my allergies couldn't handle it. Was so thankful to be able to return her to a good home. Her personality changed completely, too (which wasn't a problem, except she went from being very standoffish, to becoming a complete cuddle bum, which exacerbated my allergies even more).

Try out being a foster for a rescue. It gives you a chance to practice adopting, plus the organization will usually pay for supplies and medical costs. And if you're a "foster failure" (i.e. you keep your temporary guest permanently) that's not the worst thing in the world.

I just adopted a 1yr old cat. It’s been wonderful. He’s a little monster, but he’s also on a routine, and is someone else to care for. It keeps me in sync, and I’ve been much better for it.

It’s obviously a long commitment, but I had been wanting a cat for a while.

At the same time, I’ve been actually getting help psychiatrically, which has been life changing.

Not sure about this. Only if they're sure the dog will be well taken care of, rather than a burden.

I was going to recommend cats but then I guess they’d just make you more depressed with their condescension :)

No, haha :) See my sibling post. I've recently done some cat sitting for a neighbor who was away for a week and that was a huge boost to my mood.

Don't fight your cat's nature; you will lose.

They're very loving - on their own terms. I personally prefer the dumb loyalty of a dog but YMMV

God please no. Heal first, then get a dog.

This is questionable advice to someone who’s struggling. A dog is a lot of work, which might be great if it motivates someone. And a dog is a fantastic companion, I know that this past few months would have been a lot more difficult for me without my pup. But they’re living beings, they deserve to be brought into homes where their care is assured. You don’t just “get” a dog. It’s a commitment and a lot like caring for a person. It can also be that rewarding. But a dog isn’t something you go pick up at the store on a lark to feel better.

As a person who’s now glad to have a pup: go spend time with a dog or three. Take your friends’ or neighbors’ dogs out for a while and see if you feel like the company is beneficial and if you want that responsibility. If you do, awesome! If you like the hangouts and don’t want one of your own, awesome! If it’s not for you, now you know but you tried a thing and that’s awesome too!

I'm sure your suggestion is coming from a good place, but dogs can be quite a burden sometimes, and taking care of them properly is a responsibility. I am taking care of a dog right now that has real barking issues and it's quite annoying but I can't blame the dog.

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