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Comment by aaisola | Hacker News Reader

Very early in someone's career most people's job interest is more a factor of environment, salary, perceived social status etc. than it is of true interest. This is also because at that stage you don't really know what interests you since academic life is so different from a real job or career. A clear example of this is how many students 10 yrs ago claimed to be interested in a career in investment banking, consulting etc. vs how many actually satisfied investment bankers there are.

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Honestly, the dirty truth is that many investment bankers who actually make it are very satisfied with their jobs. By make it, I mean they are still in the profession after 3-5 years. We would like to believe that ultimately the bankers are the ones losing out, but the combination of massive income, very high social status and with it great choices for a spouse, interesting and globally impactful work, etc. The list goes on, but you have to break through the lower ranks, which arent really "investment banking" and are more like a job interview for the real work.

What I mean to say is that often times we like to convince ourselves that superior roles are actually inferior, but are blind to just how much better those people have it.

I Googled "investment banker marriage" for fun and it seems they are more of rare and you easily end up choosing between being fired or divorce. Married who prioritize relationship seems to be seen as looser.

Plus sounds like the spouse that is half with that setup tends to be someone who wants your paycheck more then you (since you are never around anyway).

I mean, they might be happy and enjoying that. Just the great spouse thing is less likely to be part of picture.

Women go for status the same way men go for youth and beauty. If you increase your status suddenly you'll have more options in the dating market.

It seems petty shallow from both sides and there are some women who don't care that much about status and some men who don't care that much about looks, but generally it holds true remarkably well.

It's also terrible for women who enjoy their peak power in their twenties in a way all but the very highest status men will never know, but then youth and beauty fade and it's all downhill from there. On the other side, low status men in middle age are basically persona non grata, but men always theoretically have something under their control to improve their lot.

In both cases hopefully the relationship becomes less about what attracted you in the first place and more about the friendship and shared life.

I did not talked about what women go after. I came to this conclusion from reading about what investment bankers themselves say. It was not about who is shallow or who is deep. You can be super shallow and still end up more attracted to new guy that is actually around, more then to partner that brings money but is never around.

> In both cases hopefully the relationship becomes less about what attracted you in the first place and more about the friendship and shared life.

Yeah, but there is no friendship if you two don't see each other at all. There is no shared life between investment banker and his wife. There can be attraction part, due to good look and money and social status as you say. But exactly this friendship and shared life is something they cant really have.

> It's also terrible for women who enjoy their peak power in their twenties in a way all but the very highest status men will never know

This is just dumb, no offense meant, but still.

Dumb how? Seems like an apt description of reality to me.

Bankers in NYC in their 30s and 40s have an unlimited stream of women pursuing them

I'm not so sure about this. The work does not seem to end in such professions.

You feel lucky if you can get a bit of sleep and eat three meals in a day. Being content with such a profession requires making no personal plans even on weekends and being ready to sacrifice anything. The work dictates your life.

Once you stop fighting it, it gets easier. I think that's what you learn after 3-5 years.

Only money matters

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