I am proposing a little community-brainstorming here and I am very curious about your answers to this very simple (and purposely broad) question:
What is your biggest problem right now?On a more serious note, I would say people in power not following the rules. That includes managers at companies violating policies to the detriment of their employees. Another example is law enforcement and politicians breaking the law, violating procedures/regulations, or making mistakes that negatively impact citizens and not taking any responsibility or steps to make it right.
I list this as the biggest problem because it has so many problems throughout the system and very little recourse for when it happens (you're asking the very system that f'd you, to make it right).
Not only is this case my problem, but this is every tax payer's problem. How wasteful is the system for it to spend all this money on the (incompetent) trooper showing up to court twice, the magistrate's time for two trials dates, the magistrate's (useless) secretaries, the state police resources required to fulfill the subpoena requests, and the potential for a civil suit to be filed against the state. All for a dog being off a leash, which would typically be a $25 fine for the first offense.
An interesting side note is that the original magistrate in the case was arrested for gambling with campaign money, perjury, and a slew of other charges. Needless to say, my already skeptical view of the "justice" system has been shattered by the pure incompetence of every official involved in this case.
BD (bipolar disorder) interferes too, can't find stability. Had to change meds (difficulty recalling words & little dumbed down) and just went ~1.5 month depression. Am kinda stable again, but not really normal stable (starting to forget how life was before BD).
Together with those have to fix my NPD personality disorder. Now this is a tough one.
But can't fucking read a fucking NPD book cause of the ADHD. It's complex.
Now during the pandemic... more like 10...
I'm working on losing weight right now to build confidence and get into more things but until then it's just work -> gaming -> consume content -> sleep -> repeat.
I feel like I need to find something outside work to enrich my life and make new friends...
However, I don't know of any soccer leagues going on that aren't COVID hotbeds. Kickball and softball provide a lot more space between players, but doesn't reach the same activity level. But being in shape helps with both of them and they can both provide good social connections.
I also joined two other groups at about the same time. The area's "Young Professional" group, which was a monthly meetup of professionals aged about 22-35. And a church group (if you're not at all religious this will not be of any interest to you) that was about the same age range and met up twice a month. Through both I found new friends and started doing more things (I actually joined soccer through the friends made at the church group).
However, COVID is messing all of those things up. You can still see if there are groups that are meeting and join them so long as they're being reasonably cautious and meet your personal safety threshold.
And try to become the organizer of events. That was when my social life really turned around. I stopped waiting for invites, and started doing the inviting. In my prior city there was a First Friday event downtown with lots of live music and art shows. I'd invite people out. Or I'd organize a dinner and a movie night. I know a lot of these things aren't feasible right now, but as you start to build up a social network, consider doing this. It's a lot more pleasant (be prepared for some events to fail) to have made the plans (be it a pickup soccer game, a hike or camping trip, a night out on the town, a board game night in) than to be waiting for others to make them for you.
The solution for me was focusing on 1 problem at a time for 1 year.
This was my personal solution:
I started with smoking and i quit smoking first. Year 1
Then weight. Just stop drinking soda or anything sweet and drop all candy. Withdrawal is awful (physically painful) for a week, after a month you won't miss it a bit. Forget about candy forever, just desserts in restaurants for special occasions.
Lift weights at home, start with water bottles. Just keep at it and try to improve a bit every 2 days, every small improvement is a win. Go for walks.
After a year you will be fine, i lost 45 kilos in 2 years whilst still enjoying normal food except candy. Year 2 (will become a habit)
Kickstart your career. Learn new tech in your domain and try to apply it in side projects and/or give conference talks about things you just learned. Remotely this is easier than ever. Have courage and propose architecture changes etc. If your company is unaccepting switch companies. Year 3
Now this one is hard because of covid: Go to meetups, especially gaming / board gaming focused ones. Make these social things a priority. If anyone asks you to go somewhere do it no matter what, even if you do not feel like it. Keep doing this, you will build relationships. Year 4
I guess you have to pay price for everything - so maybe in the future I will change my priorities.
I mean: work, produce, consume, agree and enjoy the show (only if you keep dancing and only as long as it lasts).
Where is the joy? How much joy am I neglecting to follow standards I have not chosen?
I am looking for alternatives such as more dedication to my people, hobbies and joyful knowledge, finding that this has little overlap with the expected way of life.
Now there are some interesting opportunities that pay a lot more, but i have the feeling that there is a mismatch between my CV and my current engineering skill level due to all this other stuff.
Could be imposter syndrome tho.
Maybe I'm interpreting too much from your comment, but I would guess the exhaustion comes from not seeing results worth the provided efforts, or not being certain the efforts are effective/efficient enough.
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
I'm halfway joking, but the USA has gone from "Land of the Free, Home of the Brave", "Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of Happiness," "From Sea to Shining Sea," to a boot stamping on a human face forever in less than one year. It's gotten to the point where I don't feel safe raising children here.
I've gained 20 pounds over the last year. It doesn't help that I bought a stand mixer and love baking. Cycling alone doesn't seem to keep things under control. I either need to do bigger riders or supplement it.
The one good thing is my eating out has been drastically cut. But there is still work to be done there.
I also enjoy baking and picked it up a few years ago. But I didn't gain any weight because I'd take almost everything to the office or parties. Neither of which are really options for me right now so I avoid it, or occasionally give something to the neighbors I do like.
You should do sport, but if you want to lose weight the simplest is to eat less. I know that can be difficult.
And the lack of countries that allow permanent residency without tying it to large investment or domestic employment.
Just kidding, maybe that would make you happy. It didn't for me though.
Don't get married unless being together for a long time (10 years plus), require it for legal reasons, and not without a prenup.
Don't let anyone move anything in without a palnup. See also: Bill Maher.
Never see a girl without a condom, and always take it with you.
The tests are, much like a close friend:
1. Would you die for them?
2. Would you kill for them?
3. Do you trust them with your life?
4. Are you better together than apart? (Are they much more beneficial to you than a liability?)
5. After the 3 year mark, do you still miss them the most of anyone? Must get past New Relationship Energy (NRE) to see if there's more than infatuation holding things together.
6. Hopefully, they're within a standard deviation or two of intelligence and have some common interests, but these can be learned and explored together with open-mindedness and willingness to try the unfamiliar.
7. Develop your skills and lifestyle. People who do the bare minimum to satisfy the label of a database administrator and expect to land a supermodel astronaut are woefully unrealistic. For example, I've been restoring a mid 80's VW camper soup-to-nuts except for major bodywork and upholstery fabrication, getting into paramotoring, and looking at dance studios for ballroom dance with the goals of Viennese waltz, dusting-off Argentine tango, and salsa. And I cook like a m'f'cker, which is probably why I need to lose 40 lbs. / 22 kg. of nasty-ass cutaneous fat, cut calories/do IF/up protein, and hit the gym like corona is going to close it forever. :)
Unfortunately, like hiring or investing, there doesn't seem to be a scalable way of pairing people or due-diligencing them thoroughly enough to lead to trust and compatibility. It seems only with focused filtering and meeting say many hundreds people (as the calibration phase of the optimal search strategy algorithm) that there would be enough worthy opportunities to pursue.
->> Ask lots of questions and listen.
1. Don't date guys like whose attitude is like the one demonstrated above
For maybe the last 15 years or so I've been blocking or avoiding ads. uBlock origin is probably the most valuable product I use as well as AdBlock Plus before that. I know I know! I'm morally bankrupt! Thats how people make money on their content. That's what makes the internet go round. But I can't help myself. I just can't stand advertisements. Where I can I pay to avoid ads like Netflix or Youtube Premium I do. But beyond that I've used ad blockers and various tricks over the last decade and a half to nearly completely avoid advertisements in my life. It has been delightful. I feel like I'm happier for it and have saved who knows how much time and attention by doing so. I've always said that for any given service if I couldn't figure out how to block the ads I would just stop using it and read more books or something instead. Short of that there is almost no ceiling for how much I am willing to pay to use an ad-free version of a service.
That strategy has been pretty effective and continues to be today. But whereas the deal used to be "we have content you want, but the trade is that you have to look at our advertisements" it seems like that deal has shifted a bit in the last couple years. Now it's more like "we have the content you want, but it's in a walled garden of really addicting algorithms." So even though I don't see ads on Reddit, Youtube, or whatever - thats no longer enough. I'm still finding my time and attention being taken up by this really addicting content that is optimized for engagement and leaves me no more informed and usually less happy.
The thing is the good content is still out there! In fact there is probably more of it than there ever was even though it doesn't feel that way now. For now I've stopped using reddit and feel much happier for it. I try all these little tricks with Youtube to use it in a way where I don't get sucked into that engagement trap but it's pretty tricky.
All the well known tricks like uninstalling the app and using it in the browser or turning off notifications feel like trying to smoke 3 cigarettes a day or eat just one potato chip. They work moderately well but I often find myself slipping. It's also a constant willpower battle that is it's own drain on time and attention.
I've considered giving up the lot of it like I used to threaten I would do if I couldn't block ads anymore. Just read more books and so on. But I don't want to! What I want is to have my cake and eat it to. I want to go back to being a freeloader where I get the interesting content that I love without paying for it with my time, attention, and well-being, in a labyrinth of engagement.
I want an algorithm blocker that works like an adblocker. Maybe using machine learning to identify content that fits the bill. It seems somewhat unrealistic honestly. I'm not exactly sure what you're training the algorithm on in order to get that. Also maybe ML isn't the path there. Maybe there is another clever way to do it. I'm not sure. But I do think about it from time to time.
Short of that I've also considered trying to shift the sources to sites that have interesting and novel content without being so addictive and negative. Random wikipedia articles or random github repositories, that sort of thing.
Thinking about the biggest problem I have this was the most concrete one I could come up with. It's hard to quantify just how much value I would get out of a solution if it was as big of a benefit for me as adblockers have been up to now.